Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks Awest, so tough to see that look of indifference and the tone of uncaring and imagine that somehow the wall of ice will ever melt.

Spent the weekend in Chicago working at the Chicago Marathon. A friend worked with me and he has an interesting story. He spent about two years going out every night on his W. He was still smoking dope like he was a high school senior. He says he never cheated, but I've heard differently.

He moved out once, was tossed out once. And his wife, who used to be friends with my W, has taken him back twice. Now, even though he hasn't worked this year because he doesn't have a lot of job skills, things are good between them. He stopped going out. Started actively watching the kids. He does the cooking so his wife can thrive in her job.

I talk to him and I can't help but be jealous. His wife believed he would someday grow up and he has. I may have screwed up in a million little ways, but I was dedicated to my W and family and yet -- as I've been told four times -- my M is ending.

I kept up with the NC with W, which is only since Tuesday so it's no big streak yet. W called twice on Saturday. She lost her check card and had to cancel it and she was warning they may have put a freeze on mine -- we still have joint accounts. She called later to ask about our property assessment challenge. We challenged our assessment. I helped her do the research and fill out the form about two months ago.

We won. If she's unable to sell the house it'll save her about $80 a month next year when the tax formulas change. She said "cool."

Then Sunday I got a text about my Wednesday surgery. She still hasn't asked what I'm having surgery for. Instead, she texted asking what night I want the kids. If not Wednesday, then I could do it Monday, Tuesday or Thursday.

I haven't responded yet. I play basketball Monday, have a marriage rebuilders class (second round) Tuesday. Now, I don't know how well I'll be feeling by Thursday night, but that's the night I'll have them over because it's my weekend with them. I'll have them Thursday through Monday and I won't have to see W even once.

It's just hernia surgery. I should be mobile enough on Thursday. Friday, I was going to take them to the movies. Saturday, they are having a sleepover and Sunday is church and maybe a museum.

I'll make it.