Lightbulb is BLAZING NEON now!

[Zoo]

I have been busy posting on other threads and thought it might be a good idea to update mine

H got home from his business trip late Friday night. Was kinda weird in a way because he called me twice again. First thing in the morning to let me know he couldn't get an earlier flight and then he called again when he got to Indy to let me know he was on his way home Poor guy got a standby flight out of Chicago and was hoping to get back an hour early but unfortunaltly his baggage didn't make his flight with him so he had to wait for it to show up! Ended p leavignthe same time he would've if he had taken his scheduled flight.

HIs calls might have had something to do with a "bad feeling" he had been having since Thurs. night. He said he just had this "feeling" like something was going to happen and he was real tense until he got most of the way home About an hour away from the house he said it finally just disappeared. He asked me if I had "seen" anything and I told him no, but that I did have an uneasy feeling the day he left. Nothing concrete though so I dodn't mention it to him.

Things were actually kind of awkward when he first got back. I was expecting a different kind of reception when he saw me again (his phone calls were all about missing me, couldn't wait to get home, wish I was with him etc) but instead he was dog-tired I did hide my disappointment though...couched it in laughter and teasing so he went to bed with a smile on his face

Saturday was really great...we spent most of the day just being together Snuggling and touching,laughing a lot! Was nice to hear him say how GLAD he was to be back home again. A real PMA booster

I did ALMOST blow it last night though H is going into the reserves...a primarily female unit. I just bluntly asked him how he felt he would deal with that, the possibility of sexual temptation and the whole opposite gender dynamic. H started to get defensive. I diffused it by saying I am being open with you about this, I am not saying nor implying that you would pursue anyone , I know that you won't. I am just asking because it is something that crossed my mind. He told me that he worked in a primarily female unit before and had no problems with it and didn't see it as a problem now. I said ok then I changed the subject. Had him smiling again a few minutes later

I posted some of H's observations on Pam's thread and OPT asked if H would read hers and offer suggestions
I told H about this and he got a laugh out of it. Sorry OPT but he said he didn't feel like he could really help any with regards to M considering he almost screwed ours up I did point out to H that you just wanted insight into your H's mind...My H laughed again and said he'd have to think about it

This discussion did open the way to an R talk between us though girls and I thank you so much for that!!

I told H that it crosses many of our minds as to when exactly the H decides to stay with the M. I told him that I really hadn't a clue what got him to turn around. I knew that I started to DB my butt off and was trying anything and everything to show him but it seemed like it came right out of the blue. One day he wouldn't even look at me and a few days later he was looking at me in a way I hadn't seen in forever.

H said he really didn't know how to explain it other than he KNEW that he would never find any one better than me. He said that he thought about it and thought about it and until he knew that it was what he wanted. No lightening bolts or anything like that...he just KNEW he loved me "like that". I asked him if there was anything in particular that I did to change his mind. H said not really, it was more like everything. He said you did what the book said to do and that helped, backing off and giving me space helped.

I asked him if he truly felt he had reached the point where he knew for sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He said yes I do .

We discussed the OW. I asked what helped him to see that sitch differently. He said avoiding it all together. By avoiding it he realized that he didn't feel the way he initially thought he did. I made the statement that he told me when I disappeared for 2 yrs that he thought about me constantly...it is partly what told him how he felt about me. I told him that I did have a concern that he might approach the OW sitch the same way and that he may just tell me out of the blue that he made a mistake and wanted to go back to that sitch. H said he didn't think about OW like that so it wouldn't be a problem.

I told him that I would like for us to possibly set aside some time every couple of months or so to discuss our R. I asked if he would be agreeable to this and if he felt we would benefit from it as well. H said he thought it might and we could probably do so. I said that I want to make this R better then what it was and H concurred. He also agreed that it would probably help keep us from sliding back into old habits and we both want to avoid that We will see if he still agrees in a few months

I also broached the placation issue. I just bluntly asked if he still caught himself placating me. H said yes, on occasion. I asked what made him have this type of response...what brought it on? He said he usually does it when his interest is elsewhere and I pick that time to ask questions or talk about something. He half listens and tells me what he thinks I want to hear just so I'll leave him alone so he can go back to reading or watching TV or whatever

I saw a great irony in this because I had just realised that he was watching stuff about the atomic bomb on TV (one of his many interests). I asked him with that in mind if he was placating me now He laughed at me and said no. He doesn't placate me about important things...just mundane stuff ( what do you think about painting the middle room dark red?....yeah...sounds good to me if you think it would look good... ) He also said that he doesn't do it anywhere near like he use to.

I wanted to tell him to STOP doing it at all! I wanted to tell him that I would rather he tell me that he was reading or whatever right now and would prefer that I wait and we could discuss it when he could give it all of his attention! Would that be an unreasonable request for me to make? I let the subject drop so he sould finish watching his program but I still WANT to say those things to him

H did say this weekend that we are a "Success story" (I think I posted that elsewhere?) and he has no lingering doubts concerning the R/M. I know it is crazy...what more affirmation could a person want...but I still feel a little wary. I'm pretty sure this feeling will fade over time but for right now it is there and I struggle with it
WHACK,THUMP!!!

Zoo