Well, last night was not a good night for us as she was having trouble sleeping and when I woke up in the middle of the night, she said that she is not doing well with this and that she wants to get an apartment. I was able to handle this discussion well and not break down and tried to empathize with her feelings. She showed me a list of good things versus bad things about me that she had compiled over the past couple of weeks and she reiterated that she doesn't see the changes sticking long term. Interestingly, she told me some of the things she said she found attractive about me and it struck me that she had never told me this during the entire duration of our R or M. I know that right now, I am the bad guy in the R but I wish she could see how much of a difference it may have made in our R is she had tried to make me feel attractive every once and a while.
I am completely lost right now and don't know what to do. I know the loving thing to do is support her and try to keep working on me. It is just hard because we are skipping the intermediate steps such as in-house S and MC and running headstrong into full S. I feel that her need for immediate S may have to do with OM and either feeling like she really wants to be with him and/or she is having a lot of trouble with guilt by being here w/ me while she is involved with OM. She says she needs time to sort things out and answer some difficult questions. Tonight, while she was alone working at the table, her phone was there facing up, however, when I sat down to dinner at the table a few minutes later, she placed her phone face down.
My question is, how much, if at all, should I press her on her true reasons for wanting to S. I feel like I need to know if this is motivated by wanting to be with OM. On the other hand, I don't want to pressure her so much that I really upset her. Up to this point, she admitted infidelity but strongly denies A. The evidence strongly suggests A based on what has happened over the past 2 months.
I feel that if we S, it should be structured with expectations discussed and agreed upon. Is it a good move to press her for a structured S if she does proceed? Does it even matter if she has OM and is not being transparent about her motive for S? I know that there is nothing that I can do to stop S but I am so confused as to how to handle this from a DB point of view.
