you're so welcome, and btw, coming here kept me sane. I get it.
Um, L41 the whole hiding money thing your h IS doing, (we know it, really, down deep don't we?? He has to be, or worse, he's spending it on someone else) SO, what to do?
Well, doing something later makes it harder for your l. Let me repeat that, you make it MUCH harder for your L to "find" hidden money when you wait and wait.
Getting a legal sep (don't know your state's laws though) can help you protect yourself and your child AND maybe even your idiot h. If I am repeating myself, I apologize but after I filed for a sep to protect the house, later on, (18 months later) h commented about how great it was that "WE didn't mortgage our house" to invest with the "heroes" up there...as if it had been a mutual decision. Point is, I also protected him from himself...
If you do it calmly "so you both can start to make plans" Or "just to have clarity and know what the expectations are", then what's wrong with getting something in writing asap? Doesn't your state allow for him paying you support and child support and dividing the assets? I have forgotten how long the m is (very relevant!) so I don't know but I do know a big disparity in income matters and is the one good thing about earning less than him. (Gee, isn't it nice to see the silver lining to relative poverty?? )
How is the paying off of debts proportionally, which he's now doing (did I get that right?) somehow negating you getting spousal support? Aren't you supposed to get both? Are you selling yourself short? Don't. Make you and your child the priority OVER your fear of pushing him away.
you know maybe he needs a push to get well. We ALL get to a point where we're sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and then we get help and change...MAYBE you "being there for him" at this point, is not only enabling him to stay unwell, not get help, but it's also hurting you and your life. And you may well be wasting time.
Like John Edward's (who's a real jerk apparently) wife (not a jerk) said, her "biggest regret" after losing a child, having cancer and having it again, AND facing her h's public A and new baby....well, HER biggest regret is "how much time she wasted on trying to get her old life back". It's gone. A huge event has happened and changed her and her life forever....like losing a child...it's horrible. She will never be the same....But there's another child there needing you (and a whole host of other adventures and opportunities and people to have and see and meet) and YOU CAN still laugh and love and enjoy life.
Focus on what you can create with what you have left in your life, and what you can become or discover. Don't let your whole life end b/c your spouse has left for awhile (or for forever.) They never were your whole life and if you thought they were, you shouldn't have...there's more to life than that one person who's too confused now to know what a gift you are and offer. The old you and the old life or what you thought it was, is gone. You have been grieving its' loss now for many months...now look ahead and what might be around the corner for you...
It's time. And none of this means you are giving up. Do you get this? JR, do you? I'm asking b/c sometimes I think "there, I said it just the way I needed to hear it 2 years ago" but then, I'm not you guys...
Anyhow, wishing you both the best....and PLAN for the holidays now so they don't suck...just a suggestion...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
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