I just spent a few hours with my son at the zoo. Had a good time. It was a tad on the cold side, though. Plus, I really wanted to see the kangaroos. They decided to move them inside. That stunk.
Here's the reason why I need to vent...
I sent a text to my son's mother telling her that I am not allowing him to visit her in her home this weekend. I expected her to at least question why I decided to do this.
Well, I have yet to hear anything from her. Not a single phone call or text.
All I could think is if you don't feel the same about me, fine. You want be with OM right now.
But, please continue to be a part of our son's life. At least show him a glimpse of the wonderful mom you were.
I am just numb right now.
I know I have to be strong. Days like today make it difficult, though.
F her as my pal Jack so kindly suggested.
Time to go make a mess with my son in his playroom.....
Sadly she won't show a glimpse of the wonderful Mom she was for a very long time. That's why it is so important to be that rock for your son. For a while you're going to have to play the role of both parents.
I just hate that we can't talk like adults about this. It always has to be on her terms.
Right up until YOU set the terms - and you can do that at this point because (1) you have legitimate questions about where and how she's living and (2) there is no custody/visitation order in place at this time (and lets not forget, she LEFT both of you).
Does your locality require mediation prior to the court hearing?
If so, that's where all your concerns should be laid out. In my locality, a home study would be ordered.
If they don't do that (or anything equivalent) in your area, then you lay it down for the judge. Your questions and concerns are legitimate.
Protect your son. And let HER worry about proving that there is nothing to protect him from.
"Let anyone who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" 1 Cor. 10:12
Thank you for continuing to provide valuable information.
Right now, I am having a tough time dealing with her control issues. I have to continue to remind myself that I am the one in control of this situation.
I do believe that mediation is part of the process. I do plan on discussing all of my concerns if we are asked to visit with a mediator.
By the way, I did find out a bit more about the OM from a fellow coworker of his. The OM has a problem with his temper. The coworker admits he avoids OM due to his inability to contol his temper at times. Plus he is a smoker. So, my MLC'er and the OM are both smokers.
More than likely, they smoke inside their apartment. That means my son is inhaling second hand smoke. How nice of them.
My WAS did not smoke inside our home when we were together. She actually hid her smoking from our son.
My message to her did not say she could not come by and see him. I just told her I was not comfortable with him going to visit.
She never came by the house to attempt to see him.
I haven't read your entire thread. What's the agreement in terms of visitations? It kind of sounds like you were using the kid to engineer her to see you -- and not see the OM.
I try to see my girls every chance I get. On my weekends with the girls, my W doesn't call or ever attempt to see them. She sees us as Divorced and wants to maintain some kind of boundaries.
Dealing with an OM is really tough. I heard my W went to the county fair with an OM after we split and it drove me nuts for a month and there's no proof that it was anything other than a trip with a friend to keep busy.
Just make sure the kid doesn't get caught in the middle.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Its not that I want her to come see me, I am concerned about the possibilty of drug use in her home. Plus, I have some concerns about the OM's activities.
What worries me is that my son runs away from his mother when she comes to pick him up on the weekends when she shows up.
I have no idea what my son is subjected to while he is there. I have not been allowed inside her home. She didn't tell me where she lived. I had to find out myself.
I feel like I am putting my son in a difficult spot if I do not find out what's going on. I am worried about his safety since I believe my WAS and OM could be using drugs.
The day that I found out where she lived, I saw them run outside and hide something when I approached them.
In my opinion, they where hiding something illegal. That's when I became suspicious. I began to put it all together. Rapid weight loss, complaints about sinus problems, indegestion, and nausea.
PLus, I remember seeing her having a burnt lip a few months ago. Some of her co workers mentioned having seen her burnt lip.
I don't know if second hand exposure would ever present anything measurable in either blood or urine on Monday morning after a weekend with mom. If you have strong concerns it is your responsibility to your son to simply contact your pediatrician and discuss best way to monitor your son's general well being. If in a Monday morning wellness checkup your MD indicates that emotional counseling or any other actions appear needed, you'd have more answers.
