PS I also know that he is only paying rent....no car payment nothing. So is there a way (didn't think to ask lawyer) for the legal system to know if they are hiding money? I know my H has to be, he's not paying his own personal debts (loans, credit cards, that are only in his name). And trust me he can afford to pay them big time.
I think when he was staying with his step-mother and father he was giving it to them to hide in an account in their names. I know the way they think when it comes to money and I'm sure they told him what to do and how to do it.
I read your input. Thank you for the great advice. I am at that point where I have to be happy for myself, GAL, and never argue with my WAW. I can't help but thinking about her daily. But I don't pursue or beg. If you read my sitch, you'll see that I've made some changes.
I sometimes wonder if my W still thinks about me. I'm not too sure anymore. She hardly emails and never calls. So I am left with guessing and usually become depressed because I convince myself that she doesn't care anymore.
Anyway, THANKS for the input. I really value it.
JR
Me:44 WAW:43 Children S13,S11,S7 Married 17 yrs W left JUN 08 W filed JAN 09 D proceedings dismissed AUG 09 W refiles 1 MAR 11
you're so welcome, and btw, coming here kept me sane. I get it.
Um, L41 the whole hiding money thing your h IS doing, (we know it, really, down deep don't we?? He has to be, or worse, he's spending it on someone else) SO, what to do?
Well, doing something later makes it harder for your l. Let me repeat that, you make it MUCH harder for your L to "find" hidden money when you wait and wait.
Getting a legal sep (don't know your state's laws though) can help you protect yourself and your child AND maybe even your idiot h. If I am repeating myself, I apologize but after I filed for a sep to protect the house, later on, (18 months later) h commented about how great it was that "WE didn't mortgage our house" to invest with the "heroes" up there...as if it had been a mutual decision. Point is, I also protected him from himself...
If you do it calmly "so you both can start to make plans" Or "just to have clarity and know what the expectations are", then what's wrong with getting something in writing asap? Doesn't your state allow for him paying you support and child support and dividing the assets? I have forgotten how long the m is (very relevant!) so I don't know but I do know a big disparity in income matters and is the one good thing about earning less than him. (Gee, isn't it nice to see the silver lining to relative poverty?? )
How is the paying off of debts proportionally, which he's now doing (did I get that right?) somehow negating you getting spousal support? Aren't you supposed to get both? Are you selling yourself short? Don't. Make you and your child the priority OVER your fear of pushing him away.
you know maybe he needs a push to get well. We ALL get to a point where we're sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and then we get help and change...MAYBE you "being there for him" at this point, is not only enabling him to stay unwell, not get help, but it's also hurting you and your life. And you may well be wasting time.
Like John Edward's (who's a real jerk apparently) wife (not a jerk) said, her "biggest regret" after losing a child, having cancer and having it again, AND facing her h's public A and new baby....well, HER biggest regret is "how much time she wasted on trying to get her old life back". It's gone. A huge event has happened and changed her and her life forever....like losing a child...it's horrible. She will never be the same....But there's another child there needing you (and a whole host of other adventures and opportunities and people to have and see and meet) and YOU CAN still laugh and love and enjoy life.
Focus on what you can create with what you have left in your life, and what you can become or discover. Don't let your whole life end b/c your spouse has left for awhile (or for forever.) They never were your whole life and if you thought they were, you shouldn't have...there's more to life than that one person who's too confused now to know what a gift you are and offer. The old you and the old life or what you thought it was, is gone. You have been grieving its' loss now for many months...now look ahead and what might be around the corner for you...
It's time. And none of this means you are giving up. Do you get this? JR, do you? I'm asking b/c sometimes I think "there, I said it just the way I needed to hear it 2 years ago" but then, I'm not you guys...
Anyhow, wishing you both the best....and PLAN for the holidays now so they don't suck...just a suggestion...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My L says we should wait until Jan. to file for spousal because then H will have his W2 form and will be able to show how much he is making.
I know that he is not spending it on someone else, but do believe he is saving it in his parents name since his credit is shot now. As far as the separation agreement it very expensive and like I said before my L said that the Masters don't like separation agreements so it is a 50/50 chance of winning and not getting anything until the D. Which I hope never happens.
I do get child support though, I should have filed for spousal then but didn't. And now my L suggests waiting until January. So now I'm stuck. But thanks anyway 25 for the advice.
Our D12's birthday is coming up....do I ask him if he would like to attend her party or not. It is a skating party for her and her friends and I will be the only adult there. I don't know what to do or if you suggest I do invite him because of the fact he was saying he was happy with me now (admitting he was wrong). How do I put it? I would text him, not call. He doesn't own a computer so e-mail it out.
25 tried to change my display name but it doesn't seem to be working.
You have to give it a day or 2. When did you submit for it to be changed?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
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