Young couple in need of help

[MrBond]

I definitely wouldn't read into anything. I mean what kind of mother doesn't go to the clinic to care for their sick child?

[sumguy27]

Today sucks. I haven't felt so depressed in a long time. I freaking started crying out of the blue. Maybe its because I had texted her that I was going to drop the kids off at 5pm because I have plans. She is out of town 2 hours away. Tells me to drop them off at FIL. I'm just so angry, frustrated, sad, and lonely. Knowing that she is having the time of her life and I'm stuck being responsible. I'm stuck with all the worries about my children only. I'm the only one to care for them. Why the hell do I still want her back? She doesn't even care about me. She doesn't even care about my kids.

I'm trying very hard to detach. Yet I still am willing to do anything to get her back into my life. I know she is not this person. I know she is a great and wonderful person and I don't know who she is anymore. This pain is too much sometimes. I falling out of hope.

[TooLateForMe]

I totally understand what you're feeling. Others will yell "detach, detach," but my view is that you have to come to that point on your own.

Keep trying and at least do your best to put up that front, but it's very hard until you come to that point on your own. Until you really feel the need to let go or continue suffering you won't know real detachment.

It is lonely and your world has been rocked. Do your best to comfort yourself with whatever small thing helps. But letting the pain hit you and wash through you is healing, at least it was for me. Just remember that you can't hold onto the pain. It will make you bitter and angry. A life of bitterness isn't worth it.

[sumguy27]

I just want her back in my arms with me and my children. Why is that so hard to achieve...why is she so attracted to these losers, and thugs. I'm the total opposite of that. I know I cheated on her but I was never a bad guy. I just don't get it. I want to let go. And I am very angry because she is willing to pick a worst guy then to be with me.

[MrBond]

Before you go on judging her, you had the affair first. What you're feeling is what she felt before. I think she's running from guy to guy to hurt you while she's still dealing with her own hurt.

Do you think it hurt her when you had your A? You can't justify it and it's something that doesn't "just happen". Let her deal with it her own way. Detach and let things go their own way.

[sumguy27]

This roller coaster ride of emotions. I was going to take son over to FIL. He is still sick and burning up. I then told her that I'm not dropping him off because he needs either one of us. She gets into this attitude of just dropping him off if I have plans. I was astound. HE IS FREAKING SICK! MY PLANS CAN WAIT BECAUSE HE COMES FIRST! She said she wants to pick them up tomorrow. I told her no. If your not going to grow up then just leave them with me. I don't care if she is 2 hours away, if it was me I would have been on my way back.

[sumguy27]

Before you go on judging her, you had the affair first. What you're feeling is what she felt before. I think she's running from guy to guy to hurt you while she's still dealing with her own hurt.

Do you think it hurt her when you had your A? You can't justify it and it's something that doesn't "just happen". Let her deal with it her own way. Detach and let things go their own way.

Stuck I totally understand what you are saying. And I'm really going to have to now.

[sumguy27]

Can't believe what a turn around it is when it snows. I stood up to her this morning. She is a chicken when driving in the snow. Tired to make a excuse again that she can't get the kids. I gave her a ear full and she finally just listened. She finally admited that yes she does party too much and for me to just give her this one chance. I said forget it. My kids need there mother and if you not coming today then don't bother. Snow is not a excuse. I feel actually pretty good because she did not talk back and finally admitted her wrongs. All because the season here is changing in Minnesota.

[sumguy27]

This is our conversation this morning:

M:Hey just to let you know. Our friends dad died last night.

W:OMG! Really? Hey its snowing

M:Yes its very sad. I don't care what are differrences are. He is a very good friend to us and we both have 2 b There 4 him. I told u its going 2 snow early

w:Yes I know...so if it snows all day then I'll probably wont get the kids till 2morrow

M:Look No more excuses W. Whether it snows or not. You know snow is coming already. I'm tired of telling u this already. They miss you and need u. I don't want to get into it with u anymore.

w:I'm not making n e excuses...I didnt know it was gonna snow seriously...pls believe on this one okay

M:It doesn't matter if it snows or not do u not understand? You know winter is coming already?! I tired reasoning with you on this.

w:Yes i know that..after my vegas trip u prolly wont even see them ne more cuz I prolly wont even drop them off due to the snow

M:Ha yeah right. They are my kids too. And I take care of them a lot more then you do. I hope u realize it by now since both of them was born. I have stayed home more then you have to take care of them. Even through this separation I have taken them more then you. Because I care for them. U R there mother he cried 4 u 4 like a freaking hour! Doesn't that break your heart? Geez W.

w:Look I'm not Fing around wid u ok u already know how I am bout driving in the snow esp wid this car. yes it does.

M:That is why I told u to save ur freaking money to fix it. No excuses.
If it breaks your heart then I don't know why u can't see his pain or her pain then. Geez I'm done talking with u. U just better come. He needs his mommy! You have always looked down on other women who have neglected there kids like ur friend. don't become one of them then. Because u r becoming like those women.

w:Look H if it conts to snow like this then I'm gonna wait till 2morrow cuz 2 morrow's not gonna snow.

M: W then don't come. I would rather have them here with me then. U know winter is coming already if u don't come today then don't come.

w:I'm so serious I swear then y don't u drop them off to me?

M:I have warned you so many times about this. I can't believe it doesn't break your heart that he has been asking 4 u. No! You want to be independent. U said u can handle all of this remember? I'm not going to drop them off 4 you.

w:It does geez..i didn't know it was gonna snow I swear

M:It is your responsiblity to do your part!
I don't care! remember I told u about ur car? remember? U didn't listen to me. So U better come and get them if u care about ur kids.

w: I know that...but if it conts to snow like this then I'm gonna wait till 2 morrow. Cuz its not gonna snow. I don't want to risk n e thing...y do u think I said once it really snow I'm not dropping them off 2 u if u want them then u can come get them dont u know that uncle is gonna come stay wid me once it starts snowing bad cuz grandma doesn't want me to drive the kids around in the snow?

Omg H...fine u know wat if nothing was to happen then fine wateva

M:He has been waiting for u since Fing friday. I dont know what to say anymore. I tell u and u don't listen. Its like u hate me and take it out on them. You said to me you know what your doing. You don't! I'm so mad at you W. Mad that your so selfish and irresponsible now. then just leave them with me.

W: No its not...I miss them a lot.. I just don't want nothing to happen that's all. No I'm not leaving them wid u...they're gonna be wid me through out winter full time.

M:I don't know W ur actions speak louder then your words. If you would have taken actions or take action to come I might believe it.

W: Well pls try to believe me this time

M:Why is that now huh? they are my kids too. I have take care of them so much more then you have and I can't believe you don't see that. I'm done. Show up for him. You are telling me that I can't change and this and that. I have. but u, ur the same person who always leave the kids with me. Open ur eyes and see that gosh

w: Because of the snow I'm not gonna keep bringing them to u every other wk when it starts snowing more. Its too dangerous. I do okay...yea I know that I party 2 much

M:Then please Fing come back to a god damn parent! Stop all this BS and be a parent! I'm more of a parent then u. And its not because of what I have done anymore. Its because all you want to do is party. I'm tired of that. Grow up we have kids together. this separation was 4 u to become more mature yet you took everything in the wrong way.

w:Yes I know...just try to understand this time

M:I'm done W. Call mom and explain that to her them I'm heading to school. That's what I dont get. I Fing do everything 4 ur ass and I take care of the kids and it was never enough 4 u. Yet u dont care about them!

w:Look I understand that okay...now enough bout me...were talking bout the kids right now. Bout me picking them up okay

M:Really its your lost not mine. Grow up come get them before I won't let you. Can't use snow as a excuse. U knew it was coming. I'm done. Going to school.

w:Gosh just stop it already...look like I've been saying if it conts to snow like this them I'm not gonna risk their lives by driving in the snow okay. I rather wait till 2morrow when it clears up n then get them. If I had the Pilot then yea I'll come get them but I don't. Hell no you can't take them away from me?

M:Your ass better show me the old W who loves and cares for them like how I do. U better come today then if u don't want me to take them from you. I have been to nice to you when it comes to them. So u better come. I have kept records off everything going on. I think I have forgiven u too much when it comes to them. you need to ask them for forgiveness.

W:So wat then u want to me get them then? Fine get all their sh*t ready n I'll risk our lives just cuz u dont care

M:I fing care ur the one that needs to open ur eyes. Snow is not a excuse anymore. Now u know what I do for u? Gezz!

W:well wat then?

I hope u left me the car seats cuz I'm gonna come get them 2day after work.. after I get them u won't e seeing them until I leave on my trip then after I come back 4rm my trip you wont see them till next yr I hop ur happy bout that.

I know she can't live up to that threat. After school I droped off the car seats to her at her work place. We had a small talk and I was trying to not get into it with her. Then she said she had a paitent I said fine will talk about this later then. And its only 3 inches and its not even sticking to the roads or icey.

I don't know but thank GOD for snow. It seems like it opened her eyes.

[Stronger]

You have a prime opportunity here. Let her go.

Really, do you want this particular person? I think she's like this because you make her crazy. You push her buttons and she pushes yours. STOP it. It's exhausting.

Everytime I pulled back from H, he came back around, more like himself. And truth be told, I didn't pull back to get him to do that, to chase me, I did it because I got tired and was ready to quit. When I would stand up to him, things went better too.

You can live your life without her if you have too. You already parent more than she does and you've grown up a lot.

Time to really pull way back. It's also time to set up a budget and parenting schedule that BOTH of you have to adhere to. It's good for the kids to have a schedule that they can count on. All children thrive on this but esp. ours, as mommy and daddy aren't living together, a schedule would help them a lot.