I have ADD, my H probably has ADD, my ex-H has ADD. ADD does not make one crazy, it does not make one incapable of love. You might even have ADD (I see hints of it in your prose, have you taken a screening test for women?)
Regardless, H's ADD is not the problem in your M. He has told you very directly what the problem is -- he does not want to be married to you. Take him at his word. That is what he feels. The source of that feeling is not yours to analyze or resolve. Quit trying to work on him.
Lot's of men his age play video games for hours on end. While you hyperfocus on making up back stories for his not wanting to be M, you seethe that he is not hyperfocused on the same thing, but instead on something else. If you don't like it, this is a mismatch in your R. But you don't need to play psychologist and try to cure him. Step out of the doctor role. And run like hell from the mommy role. Your job is to set YOUR boundaries around video gaming, not to cure or parent H.
It is up to you whether or not to wait to see if H's feelings change. It is YOUR CHOICE. So focus on whether or not you want to accept that choice, with all its risks, or not. But OWN that choice.
As for what is best for your daughter, I have NO idea. I will say that as a divorced person who was married for 17 years, there is sense of loss of much of my life as it seems premised now on something that was not real. I am somehow severed from many of my memories as they now seem inauthentic. I've heard adults whose parents get divorced voice the same kind of thing -- they feel that their whole lives were lies. I "lost" some of my time as an adult. I'm grateful that I didn't "lose" my childhood. Of course, none of the time/experiences are really lost, but there is a disconnectedness as sorrow associated with recalling that time. FWIW, and I have no credentials to support this view, nor was I the child of divorced parents, I'd rather have a childhood that I get to "keep" with divorced parents, rather than one I'd "lose" to a later divorce. I certainly believe that a healthy vibrant M is the best thing for kids. But when it comes to staying together just until the kids get older, I'm just not a big fan of that based on my own disconnect with my past. The best thing you can do for your child is to have a wonderful fulfilling life with rich, loving relationships in it. Hopefully one of those will be an M to H, but maybe it won't.
Trust me, spinning backstories and armchair analysis of H will not get you very far. Focus on yourself. Put your energies into reading some books on boundaries.
As for H, OF COURSE anyone trying to figure out what they want from life wants to be left alone, not nagged, asked, or pushed. He needs space to figure out what he wants. Again, work on giving him more space than you think he wants. How could he possibly have any desire to try when you are obsessively doing everyone's R work and then some? Have you ever offered to help some one in the kitchen and then gotten totally turned off on trying to help because the other person is doing everything?
