Kimmie Lee, she meant the world to him when he decided to move out. As she describes they decided to use the word LOVE very soon after the affair started. And when he did move out it wasnt because of the pressure of me finding out, because I didnt, it was because he couldnt be with me and wanted to be with her.
BUT, and that is something is generally accepted by all "experts" in the field, when he realised the grass wanst greener, he also figured SHE wasnt the special much better person than me in the end. I believe he still thinks highly of her in some sense, I see it in his eyes he feels guilty towards her too, but he can now evaluate the depth of his feelings for her. This last year we tried to reconcile, it was his time to break the addiction and feel the consequences of that. No doubt in my mind.
Not just friends, says that sometimes the exposure has this vacume effect, where the cheater realises what he is about to lose facing the consequences. stxH told me recently that during the last 2 months he had many realisations including this one.
You have to understand what he does. He says,now, Maria if the D will make you happy, I want you to be happy. BUT, I love you and I will do all I can to make it up, if there is ONE chance, give it to me...
I declined the invitation because I am not going that path with him again. We never had co-parenting problems, we both share the same values about raising the kids so that wouldnt be a change. Yes Ali, if he said, lets go out and talk and see what we come up with for both of us to be happy and move forward, then yes, I would accept the invitation.
When he came back, I was laying in bed and my D asked him to read something before he left. THey came in my room and laid beside me. When she got up, he stayed and hugged me and squeezed me, didnt say a word but today, and in the hospital, his hugs feel different. And I am not making this up. I am too alert and constantly checking my take on things and I am more negative as you know than positive. I guess the truth has been liberating for him. I feel connection and desire from him or better yet, I feel NEED. It is so different than last year's lukewarm attempts to hug. I sat there accepting his hugs and he made himself comfortable and stayed so long,(more than an hour) till he was very late for work. I didnt say a thing (except I turned the TV on-LOL).
I had planned to talk to him but then I felt so tired of myself complaining I kept my mouth shut.
He is flying to Geneva next weekend. I think it's time I got a Rolex. K
