Lightbulb is BLAZING NEON now!

[nightshade]

OH my this seems to be a day filled with positives!!!!
I just came home from work - left early again, still not up to par - and here I am with a big smile after reading the first two posts... both filled with good stuff!
Glad to rad all this Zoo
nighthshade

[Zoo]

Hi pbee

I know when you're chomping at the DB bit you may be tempted to try a 180 on everything and maybe that's not such a good idea.

I think you make a good point here...maybe I am over-doing it just a tad

There ARE things that your H likes that you're doing and what's working for him and you and for your R. So maybe every aspect of your R needs no DB, maybe a few things just need a lil DB and maybe a few things need alota DB.

These are good things for me to keep in mind. Sigh...sometimes I think I get a little too carried away when something works really well. Need to learn to temper this tendency

Zoo

[psluke]

Sooooo anticipate showing your appreciation!!

Chance to PLAN!!!!!!!!

Hmmm...You did say he likes variety and creativity didn't you?

[KAW]

I argued myself out of it though since I was more worried about NOT telling H about it right away.

Next time you argue with yourself , ask yourself ... Is it really that pressing to tell him, or am I OK with taking the first step to getting there and let him meet me half way on his terms?

Actually, I tried to make a "service" type peace offering a couple of times...he would have none of it

It doesn't have to be a service ... it may take the form of a gift. Of course the common cliche here is floweres but I don't know if that would work on your H, maybe tickets to a ball game or show inside a card? ... words of affection, like a banner across the front porch saying "I'm sorry! - Truce?" for him to see when he came home ... or touch ... a back rub may be what works or just holding his hand while sitting beside him? ... just something he will interpret as waving of a white flag - "Truce?"

It may take some experimentation to hit upon what works better ... so try not to get apprehensive to attempt something new. At the very least, it give a chance for Hubby to see you are trying at your end to make things better versus the preception that you're just try to maintain damage control.

Another revelation just flashed...H has been speaking to MY LL's!!

As the commercial goes ... "Can you hear me now? ... GOOD!"

'til later,
KAW

[Zoo]

KAW

As the commercial goes ... "Can you hear me now? ... GOOD!"

Now this had me giggling my butt off!

You have offered excellent advice and I will do my darndest to try to keep it in mind. The biggest thing for me to keep in mind though is that when H is in anger mode I just need to stay completely in neutral for awhile...ANY overtures are perceived by him as PUSHING. This is where I need to work on my timing I guess

OK, I have gotten none of my housework done that I had planned nor done my hair...can we say that ZOO is having an EXTREMELY lazy day?

More positives for today:
1. H has called me TWICE today. The first time was to let me know that he arrived OK after a long day of flying and then having to drive another hour to get to where he was going. The second time was because he was lonely and wanted to check and make sure I was doing ok. We actually kept the phone calls pretty short. I have a tendency to try to draw them out for long periods of time and H starts to get exasperated. I just didn't feel that NEED this time around

2. During phone calls H told me ILY several times Who would think that 3 simple words could make a person feel SO good? They do though...they really do!

3. H said he wished he had driven instead of flown so he could have taken me with him! He is bored and missing me already and we could have gone and visited friends who live a few hours from where he is at.

4. H asked where I would be at tomorrow when he gets out of his meeting/class so that he would know when/where to call me again. This is the complete opposite of what H used to do. I would be the one to ask WHEN he was going to call me and would get "I don't know...sometime".

All good things
Zoo

[KAW]

This week will be lonely since he is basically gone for the rest of the week. I know everyone will say that I should look to this as ME time...trust me, I get plenty of ME time every day since I am usually alone for at least 10 hrs of it. I do plan on coloring my hair though so that will be a nice surprise for him when he comes home. I also intend to clean all of my carpets...not exactly fun stuff but it will keep me occupied

I was gonna touch on this earlier but kinda got sidetracked and forgot about it ... but you do deserve to interject some fun in there somewhere ... think about it some ...

OK, I have gotten none of my housework done that I had planned nor done my hair...can we say that ZOO is having an EXTREMELY lazy day?

... along the same theme as above but in a laid back way ... how about treating yourself to a soothing candlelit scented bubblebath and just soak with your favorite music in the background.

Luv the positives

'til later,
KAW

[psluke]

Hi Zoo,

KAW had me laughing as well.

Your positives are AWESOME!!!!!

Could you please turn David around like that for me????

I know, I know.

Patience.

I am sooooo happy for you now!!!!!!!!

[GParker]

Like I've said before, coming here to bask in your positive experiences and pray for some of my own someday. Tomorrow is our first meeting, I am going to pray that I will be able to act as if. I feel really comfortable with him, I'm just getting jittery abou this.

Anyway, you are doing such a great job! to have my H miss me would be a dream come true.

G

[Zoo]

Hi Gabi

I'm glad that you are able to get something positive from my sitch I like to read about the positives on other threads too...always makes me feel better and helps me realize that it is possible for things to keep getting better

I haven't yet checked your thread today...my BB thingy keeps telling me that I have already read all of the posts?? What is up with that!?

Zoo

[Zoo]

Well, I thought I had a pretty good positive to post about but after posting on Talitsa's thread I'm telling myself it isn't so positive after all.

In a nutshell:

I asked H tonight if he might possibly be ready for another R talk (I'm paraphrasing to keep this shorter ). I phrased my opening like KAW suggested I do and H didn't SEEM to have a problem with it. He actually said sure . I told him what I would like to discuss during the convo since I didn't want to go into it on the phone. H DID jump in by saying he was happy with our progress and felt great about where we were (para-phrasing again). There were a couple of silences involved...I didn't pursue the convo on the phone but changed the subject instead. The phone call ended in the same up-beat fashion as yesterday's, so no worry's there, right?

I was empathising on Tal's thread (similar sitch) and talking about the whole thing when I felt MY brain wack me upside the head with a 2x4! I am now thinking that I should have just left it alone when he said sure or that I probably would have been better off not bringing it up at all.

My going down this path could quite conceivably be considered "pursuit behaviour" which I know is not any good in my sitch

Yes, I could be second guessing myself on this one and to be honest, I really, truly hope I am I sure as the heck am not going to question H about it to determine if I am or not !

Dang!

I did accomplish some things today

I made a huge pot of chicken stock so I can freeze it. A silly thing probably to think of as an accomplishment but it is something that generally takes me @ 3-4 hours to get it to where I like it. If I'm going to use the stock right away I do it in about 2 hrs. For freezing I like the flavor developed more so I simmer it a lot longer.

I went to my parents' and went to town on their gardens, cutting stuff back for the winter. It has already frosted lightly here a couple of times and was something that needed to be done pretty darn quick. Mom doesn't know a whole lot when it comes to horticulture...I tried to show her what was what and explain what I was doing and why. It didn't seem to be sinking in too well so I have a feeling that I'll probably be over there taking care of her stuff too next year

I have 3 acres of my own and I plan on putting in a half acre veggie garden next year as well as re-doing my flower-beds...I think I am starting to feel SLIGHTLY annoyed

In case no one has guessed...my mother and I have role-reversal issues. We were in C for it when I was younger...the C gave up on us after awhile I'm too dominant and Mom's too passive. I prefer the "daughter" role (that is what I am after all ) but unfortunately my mother does too.

I've even tried to use some DB techniques with her...she thinks I'm mad at her when I do this because I expect her to make her own decisions.

I have tried to be "lovingly distant" to give her time to decide what SHE wants to do. I act "as if" I'm the daughter to give her the opening she should need to take charge of a given situation. I curb my "fixing" nature when she goes down a path that would normally kick this in right away...she will wait and wait and wait then get all upset and pout when I don't "fix" it.

It's amazing how well DB/SBT works with my H and other aspects of my life...be darned if I can figure out how to get it to work with her

I've been rambling a bit tonight

The positives are in this post somewhere so I won't re-list them...Don't want to crash anyone's computer again with a crazy long post!!

Zoo