oc - I am definitely more certain and confident of myself too. I feel that H still doesn't respect me even as his almost-XW, and I am somehow still allowing it (even though we're not together). For the most part, I think I am trying to avoid any sort of conflict. And, as I've been told too many times: I'm too nice.
forward - I'm not so sure H is turning around. More like keeping me on the back-burner, just in case, like he's been doing all along.
Realized today after a brief conversation about H taking kids for full weekend while I went out of town that H really wants to be free from that kind of responsibility. Knowing this makes it easier to close the door. I had only a fleeting tinge of resentment - I can say without exaggeration that I ask the bare minimum of him, if anything at all, when it comes to his responsibilities as their father. He takes them for no more than 1 night a week, and not even every week - it's at HIS convenience to work around his work and mostly social schedule.
It's not that he said he wouldn't watch them. It was the passive-aggressive way he made me feel I was inconveniencing him AND overspending. Sure, I'm entitled to go. But I've figured out a way to fit the trip in another time when my parents can watch the kids instead. I don't want any favors from H. I should know better by now than to think I can depend on H for ANYTHING.
Hoping the D will help give me more distance from H, financially and however else possible.
