Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[courts0818]

Stuck,
Sorry to read that you wife is moving out again. But, it sounds like you have a great attitude. Although it's not going to be any sort of easy, it might make detaching just a teeny bit less painful - kinda like what you said in your post to me. Stay strong for youself and your sweet little girls.

And I agree - those of us that are fighting for our marriages really do experience the same feelings. It's not just a male/female thing, it's more of a LBS thing.

I don't think I will ever be able to understand how someone in a MLC or a WAS chooses not to own their unhappiness and acknowledge the pain they cause, but whatever. I'm not going to sit and waste my time and energy trying to figure that out.

To answer your quetions:
What have you done to GAL?
I have just gotten better at this. I joined a new mom's group and have just started doing things with them. When my H comes over on his scheduled days (Tues. & Thurs.), I try to look cute, be happy (or fake it!), smell good, and leave! I don't tell him what I'm doing or where I'm going. He doesn't ask and that makes me a little sad, but I don't show it. I also signed up to take a class at the hospital I work for - it starts at the end of October. Hum...I also volunteer at church. And I am going to visit my BFF in New York in 2 weeks. Now that is BIG for me. That is a major 180/GAL for me.

Have you gone out with other men or with friends?
Not much, I do need to get out a litte more with my girlfriends. I LOVE doing the play dates with my DD, but I should make more plans for just me and my friends - some true adult time. Again, that trip to NY is a huge step for me.
I have not gone out with any men (I'm guessing you mean dating). Even though we've been seperated for a year - I just can't do that. It goes against my morals. I know others do it and it works for them, it just doesn't feel right for me.

Have you improved your looks?
Hum...well, I haven't had any cosmetic surgery. : ) lol...
But, I've kept up with my looks (I think). I'm in shape, try to look nice when H comes around, I'm active, eat right, try to keep a cute hair style and every once in a while add a little something new to wear.

Does he have OW?
This, IDK. He says no, but I don't trust him. I've tried and tried to find out. In fact, I spent many, many months playing the role of a private investigator - looking into his accounts, opening his mail, putting a voice recorder in his car, putting a GPS on his car, seeking info from his boss, showing up at his "home". The reason I stopped searching for info is bc it was tearing me apart and consuming my life. There was no way for me to detach while spying on him. I was able to see his cell phone records and I did find a number with TONS of calls. When I asked him, he got defensive and told me he had lots of girls (as friends) that he talks to. I got the number, called it, did an interent search to find out who it was, etc...
That's all I know and I stopped bringing it up bc I wasn't getting any info from him (or her - she would not talk or say her name) - it was getting me FURIOUS and I would end up screaming at H. The number was eating away at me. So what do I do about it?

Have you shown how you have moved on?
Well...I'm working on this one too. For the last 3 weeks, I have stopped contacting H. I don't text him to check in, see what he's doing, send pics of DD, jokes or anything else. I do not contact him unless it directly involves our DD (like asking if he can watch her). I don't snoop, spy or question him. I don't ask what his plans are, what he's doing or anything like that. I try to be mysterious (like leaving on Tues. & Thurs.), if he sends me a text that isn't about our DD, I take a few hrs to reply (if I reply at all). And I do not say one word about our R or our future. I try to make more plans for myself (most of them are still mommy/daugther things, but I'm working on it). And this week I have really been happy and cheery around him - more like the fun girl he fell in love with. It's hard for me to be nice and cheery bc I'm so angry, but I'm really giving it my best shot. And finally, one of his complaints about me is that I have too many rules - so I no longer say anything about his parenting (why he is letting DD have juice with dinner, instead of milk and so on) or anything like that).

I am a work in progress, but I am trying. Since we are sadly approaching the 1 yr mark of his moving out, I just had to some diffeent things. I welcome suggestions of other things I can do to show him I'm moving on and GAL. That has been very hard for me.

Anway, keep your head up. You sound like you are doing pretty well. How has your weekend been?