Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Well, I'm pretty new to this but that question makes sense to me. Main difference between your sitch and mine is 1 week after the bomb my divorce was final. Now, I'm here hoping to get her back someday. I have a lot of contact with my ex because of S and D and GS; we see each other 3 - 4 times a week, so that makes it a bit confusing for me. Doing my best to remain detached, not talk about things unless she wants to, be supportive when she does want to talk, not be depressed, GAL and have a PMA. I let her know I wanted to reconcile and then found Divorce Remedy and that's that; I can only work on myself, hope she notices the changes, and pray she responds positively. So far so good; noticing some baby steps and we are rebuilding our friendship. Start dating my ex-wife? That's a good question. We meet for lunch/dinner often but they aren't "dates" in the romantic sense. I think the contact gives an opportunity for her to see any progress I may have made. When (and if) she's ready, in her time, I think dating in a romantic sense can start. As far as a timeline? I don't let it eat me up. As long as progress is being made I'll finish the race someday.
This is a great thread BTW, lots of good advice. Thanks to all of you.
Ron
M: 47 W: 50 D: 19 S: 16 Grandson: 21 months (now officially our son) Married: 10/2/89 Divorced: 7/31/09 XW moved back home 11/12 Re-married 5/25/10
What did I do? I went thru the steps...same as you. I 're-dated' my wife. Went to new places....started amazing conversations with her. Was never 'overweight' but went back to my fighting weight. I ran 3 miles in college and was up to 5 in my late 40's. Women at work began noticing me. Some even hitting on me, but, my objective was my wife.
It's a very sad thing because, done the wrong way, it comes down to pursuit. Most of us are not equipped to do it the right way. There really are only 2 choices as I posted on another guy's thread: 1) Stand for your marriage 2) Don't
If you choose one, your only chance of winning back your marriage is to detach, grieve the loss of your marriage, go on with your life, make your changes and then just pray that, like a lost dog, she will find her way home.
Truly....any other method usually fails. Once a woman's attraction switch flips off, it usually stays off.
So..if you choose one, then, you must let go, or you will be battered, dragged and beaten at every lost night....every man she sees.....every "ILYBNILYWU" comment that she tosses your way. And you must have patience and wait for what feels like an eternity and STILL, perhaps, never get her back.
If you can't do that, then..........................
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Your sitch is amazing similar to mine! I am very new here so I don't have much in the way of advice to give but in my sitch, I am at the point of striving to detach and GAL while still trying to be my Wife's friend. We are still able to have fun going out but I can tell this is going to be a long journey!
