Glad you had a positive interaction with your H! Over the course of 5 hours you had a lot of opportunity to show him the new and improved Nell. Keep showing him this and he won't be able to help but compare you to the OW. In your sitch I don't know how long the OW has been in the picture, but in my experience infatuation begins to fade within 6 months. You know your H and you know best how to do the things he likes. Plus, if I recall correctly you immigrated from the UK, is that correct? I'm guessing OW doesn't have that background. You are in a unique position in that you can appeal to the aspects of both UK and Aussie traditions that H likes.
Regarding your question about having OW or OM in a sitch. I am lucky in a way that my H didn't leave for an OW. But spouses leave, whether its for an OW/OM or some other reason, because they are not having their needs met in a M. As LBSs we hold some culpability in that and need to face what we did --- if not for the current M, then for a future relationship.
The problem with our walk-aways is that many of us felt our spouses didn't communicate the degree of their unhappiness to us. If we had known HOW unhappy they were we would have tried to change. So there is culpability on our spouse's part too. Ultimately, both partners need to move toward the middle ground if reconciliation is going to occur. A book I read stated "Would you rather be right, or be married?" Obviously, those communication issues will need to be worked out if the M is to succeed, but in the early stages we are all just working for the opportunity to get to that phase. So in the interim, "Fake it 'til you make it" is a mantra that has gotten many people to the point of having these discussions with their spouses. In time we realize that these changes are for US and will make us happier regardless of what decision our spouse makes.
