Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

Have you tried meetup.com? There are a lot of groups, here anyway, for single Mom's who bring their kids along.

Yeah...I tried that. Unfortunately I live in a small town and the closest single parent meetup is over 2 hours away! I am in a mom's meetup locally but am the only single parent. Small town, narrow minded. Some act like you have a disease or are going to take thier husbands away or something. Love the town, but being single here is definatley a drawback.

I really like hanging out with this other single group but unfortunately they are all pretty much with older kids and now some are even dating. Its ok. I keep telling myself its not my season...my time will come when I am ohhhhh say 50! LOL

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I wonder how such a broken person has no problem getting women lined up and willing to do whatever for him

and you want a companion that is similar to the ones he dates BECAUSE?....... ya, even though he's getting these women to go out with him, doesn't mean they are not pathetic...cause they are. who would want that?

yes, you NEED to get something going for you. Can you fine people at church? I know being in a small town does have it's cons...people can be very judgmental. but surely there are some good people you can find.

on the sleeping arrangement...because it's just you and the baby, I think that is perfectly find if it works for you. if you are okay with not getting to go out late at night, although if you have someone that can handle the crying a bit that you feel really comfortable with like a family member or good friend, then it's okay if the baby cries for you if they are there for the baby. and perhaps just go out till a certain time like midnight, or whatever. I remember having the same issue with my first because my H lived with his mom in another state while I was with my mom, so s11 slept with me. and boy, when my mom would watch him if I went out, it was not a pretty sight, but he was with someone who loved him, and he wasn't being abandoned in a room by himself, so I think it's okay.



fyi, if I haven't already mentioned (cause I tell people this all the time), Harvard studies have shown that babies that are taught to cry-it-out end up having problems dealing with stress in adulthood and have more anxiety than the non-cry-it-out babies. so IMHO, your doing okay. just try to figure out times to take care of you.

[Startingover2]

St..you are awesome! I have heard the same things about the CIO as well. Now I did it with my older kids and they seem ok, but now they are saying its not the best way. Plus given my situation I love having her with me.

Only have heard from exh once since he left Friday. Nice. Text came in at 11:30 p.m. last night telling me to give baby a kiss! I didn't answer. I am going to make it a habit to not answer his texts that late. Its not right to text that late and expect an answer. I do leave my phone on because my other kids are out and about so turning it off isn't an option.

I was thinking how nice it would be to move yesterday. With exh out of town I knew I wasn't going to run into him or gf anywhere and I wasn't constantly worried like I am normally. I couldn't move until my other kids are all out in a few years and then not sure if legally exh will allow it. Who knows? But it was a nice thought. I love this town in alot of ways. Its beautiful and a great place to raise kids....if you are married. Very family oriented. Lived here most of my life and you don't go anywhere without running into someone you know.

Church this morning! I love it. Really renews my strength. This situation has really turned my faith around. When I was with exh he refused to go to church so I stopped going as well.

[kassie]

If this relationship has turned your faith around then you have really turned things around for yourself! Good job. I see you are getting out some which is also good. Continue focusing on what you are doing and what you would like to do with your life. It feels so much better.

[Startingover2]

This has really turned my faith around. Sad that it was made stronger by crisis! The pastor at church told me to say "how you choose to live your life is between you and God" when he starts on me how I think he is a monster. Waiting for the opportunity to say it!

Was a really good weekend. Nice when I know exh is out of town. I feel relaxed knowing I won't run into him. Only heard from him once each day with the same question.

Baby has her checkup today and shots! No fun

[Startingover2]

Exh is trying to rattle me for his guilt and I am venting.

I sent him a text around noon giving him update about baby's doctor visit.

Him: What are your plans today.
Me: We will be home around 2 or so.
Him: I may come by earlier.
Me: Just let me know as she normally sleeps till about 3.
(his visit time is 3-6 anyway)
No response from him.

I was home and he never text'd or called.

5:30 tonight...

Him: Didn't get my text at 2 huh?
Me: Huh? What text?
Him: Don't huh me. Sad SO2. You get texts from everyone but me but whatever.
Me: I didn't get a text. You should have resent it again. We were home at 2 but she slept till 3.

Nothing more.

I have a feeling he didn't show again and was trying to blame it on me. I don't think there was even a text! I will look online in a few days and see if there is a text at that time on my bill.

I am so full of anxiety when he gets angry. I could hardly eat dinner. Why does he create this anxiety in me? I was here. I didn't get a text or I would have answered and said she was sleeping!

[kassie]

Let it go... he may or may not have sent you a text... we all know that sometimes these things go through and sometimes not. And sometimes A say they do things they don't do - but just imagine they do and say it is so. HUH?!

You should know by now that he just wants to rattle you b/c he can. once he learns that it doesn't affect you - he will give it up. I had to do that with my H for awhile and it was a god send to find something so predictable.

I also read a lot of spiritual material and recently been reminded that often people are put in our lives to help us decide whether to grow or not. If we do so, then they either change and remain a part of our lives or they dont'. Think about it. Exh has moved you closer to your faith... that is a good thing. Let it move you forward and either put distance between you or watch him change.

Did you find out what is going on with your daughter?

[Startingover2]

Thanks Kass...not sure if you saw my thread on other site.

Exh sent some texts today:

Exh: When do we go back to mediation?
ETA-There is no set time. He has to take me back to court and mediation to change anything.
Me: I don't know.
Exh: Well we need to discuss getting my time with baby.
Me: I don't think we should discuss this over a text message.
Exh: fine. We will talk tomorrow.


I feel sick. He is just the same sick man he was before, maybe worse. I have a telephone conference with attorney in the morning so I know what I can say and cannot say. I know he is mad because I am not making his visits easy and hopefully just said that to rattle me...well it worked. I will fight tooth and nail to prove him unfit to have unsupervised visits.

[kassie]

Ok, will check out other site and my prayers will be with you. I really think you don't need to worry. H has a long way to go before he can change anything. What people forget or don't know is that anyone can drag you into court for any reason - valid or not - and the burden of proof is on them - not you. I want to remind you that all he is proving is to be a giant nudge and pain in everyone's *** - not that he cares about being a father. One of the tools of the A is to keep you unsettled and guessing all the time - sort of a game called, " do you see me and do you care?"

I've suggested before to love him from a distance. Let go of any dependence on him to be someone he is not. Don't be fooled by his masks - when he stops the A - you will see change. Until then, nothing changes and things only get worse.

Don't worry most of all.

[Startingover2]

Just updating. Exh never showed for his visit yesterday. Got angry because I wouldn't bring her to him. He still wants to talk which scares me but I did speak to my attorney yesterday and he said tell him "heck no will he ever get unsupervised visits with baby until he is proven sober for a long length of time" Atty also felt we have alot of evidence on our side as well if it ever came to court. I know exh will be VERY angry when I say no, but oh well. Oh, atty said to make photocopies of his emails to gf and others because we can use them if needed.

I think I have finally let go of any love for him as I realize what a sick and manipulating man he is. I saw a porn email with him and another woman. Pretty much having cyber sex. Disgusting. Sad thing was right before he sent this email to the porn woman he send a "I love you, can you bring me some pills, I love you" to his married gf. How the man can switch gears so fast is amazing!!