etrain, I did as PDT recommended above. Now this was two weeks ago (I think) Anyway, i did nto talk about anything and then went to the L. I wanted to know my rights and what the worst case for me was. She asked me, and I told her. She through a fit, then went and saw her on L. Made me laugh (not out loud) that she pitched a fit when she already had an appointment set up. Never under estimate the WAW. Now, I have no intention of filing. So I retained the L on a coaching basis only. IF my WAW starts battling with me, I have a place to turn with retainer in place. But for my own sanity, its not a "divorce" retainer. Same thing, different name, makes me feel better.
I think you will find some calm after meeting with the L. At least for me it helped me realize what Coach talks about with the Spiers Doctrine.
Good luck this weekend, PDT is spot on. It really shook the WAW when she realized that i was willinng to take the initititve to speak to the L.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Tell her "There's really only two things to talk about: our marital relationship, and the END of our marital relationship. I'm not going to discuss the former so long as you've invited a 3rd person into our marriage (alt. version: "so long as you're having an affair"), and as for the second, that's really best handled by attorneys, I think." Then you add, without pausing, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going for a run," or "I'm going to go get a workout in," or "I have another appointment I need to get to," and you excuse yourself.
PDT is wise. Burn your statement into your brain. Visualize your actions before the encounter.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
No S talk last night. Only have to avoid it for 2 more days. W is acting very odd since I called her on her lies & set the boundaries. Still distant & very quiet like before...just somehow "different". I can't really explain it. I think she was "in shock" on Thursday night. Last night, I fully expected her to come up with a reason...any reason...to get out of the house. But she stayed home, cleaned, did laundry, paid bills, etc. Getting organized before she moves out, perhaps.
I want her out, even though it's going to hurt. And we're somehow still sleeping in the same bed. I want to tell her that I'm not comfortable doing that & the she should sleep on the cough or air mattress...but I'm not sure how to do that w/o causing WWIII in front of our S.
It's so uncomfortable being in our house right now.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
It's so uncomfortable being in our house right now.
And that feeling's not gonna go away any time soon, I'm afraid. There will be better days and worse days, but it IS very uncomfortable, and one of the hardest things for me to deal with was the sudden realization that my wife -- at least in her current state -- had gone from being my bride/best friend to being my adversary.
I know it's uncomfortable for you, but it's important that you stay in your own bed.
I think she was "in shock" on Thursday night. Last night, I fully expected her to come up with a reason...any reason...to get out of the house. But she stayed home, cleaned, did laundry, paid bills, etc. Getting organized before she moves out, perhaps.
She's scared $hitless of you contacting the OM's wife and the OM dumping her immediately to work on his own marriage.
She got busted. She has already contacted him, no doubt. He told her we better cool it for a while until this blows over, I dont want my wife to find out just yet, I need to get my finances in order so we can be together. When in fact he probably showed up at home with flowers and took his wife out to dinner.
Men and women react differently to getting busted in these situations. 1st thing crossing a man's mind is OMG I am gonna have to pay alimony and child support. Women seems to react with anger.
Might be time to contact the OM's wife and kill this affair. before the go underground and you have a hard time catching them again.
She's scared $hitless of you contacting the OM's wife and the OM dumping her immediately to work on his own marriage.
She got busted. She has already contacted him, no doubt. He told her we better cool it for a while until this blows over, I dont want my wife to find out just yet, I need to get my finances in order so we can be together. When in fact he probably showed up at home with flowers and took his wife out to dinner.
Men and women react differently to getting busted in these situations. 1st thing crossing a man's mind is OMG I am gonna have to pay alimony and child support. Women seems to react with anger.
Might be time to contact the OM's wife and kill this affair. before the go underground and you have a hard time catching them again.
I already contacted OM's W...sent her an IM on Facebook yesterday morning, explaining everything I know about the A & that I thought she had the right to know. I haven't heard back from OM's W & don't know if I will...but something must've gone down because OM is not longer on my W's Facebook friends list. Perhaps OM's W is laying down the law. Anyway, I'm waiting for the nuclear fallout when OM contacts my W to tell her what I did. I'm ready!
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Okay folks, I need a ruling. I'm trying to GAL, 180, & pretty much not be in the same room as my W when possible. Twice today, W has gone out of her way to ask if I'd like to watch TV with her. (We have a bunch of "our" shows on DVR that we haven't had a chance to watch) The first time she asked, I took her up on the offer...mostly because I wanted to watch The Office. After watching TV with W, I took our S out for dinner with some friends & their kids. (W wasn't invited). Well, just now, W asked me again if I want to watch some of "our" shows. I said, nah..I'm going upstairs to load some new pictures on my digital picture frame...which I just finished doing. W appeared upset & mumbled something to herself as she walked back into our TV room. Should I read anything into that? I honestly don't like being in the same room as her since I discovered the extent of her A.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
You're right. That's exactly how I feel. W still acting like a zombie & barely leaving the house since I confroted her on Thursday. Still no word from OM's W & no backlash from my W for contacting her.
Took my S to church this morning while W stayed home...2nd week in a row. I'm not super religious but I'd like our S to have the same experience I did growing up...and I need something to believe in again. Find myself getting very emotional during mass...thinking about things. It's the church our S got babtized in so there are many memories. And I look around & see all the young couples w/ their children. But there I am...just me & my S.
I'm really hoping W goes somewhere today so I can relax & watch some football.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
