Well, I'm not surprised to hear that he's blasted your son. Why? Because your son is stronger than your daughter and your xh knows that he cannot hide his true self from him. As for the small check, it's a slap in the face and in his own vindictive way, is saying "see, this is what you get for walking away from me". True "N" behavior.
As for the grandfather's aggression, that comes from the illness, not anything your son did. What a stupid man to even think such things. The grandfather will only get worse in time. They need to be thinking about coughing up the $$$ for a care giver as he's going to be come a handful in the months to come.
Your xh is very jealous of his son. If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black! Your son may be a bit young for partying, but there is adult supervision where he's at. We all had our fun at that age and I guess he's forgotten what it was like to be 17.
As for your daughter, she's learning the hard way and she will figure it out as well. She'll be back very soon. Just give her time and space to see what is in front of her. She just needs to take off the rose colored glasses to see her father for what he is. He's not the prince charming that rode in on a white horse to save his daughter. She is figuring it out already. His hand of cards are beginning to reveal who he is.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
