Just checking you out for a second here. I know it sucks that the D is looming. I can only imagine how you feel and what you are going through. I know that you need to process everything you are going through and deal with the pain, anger and disappointment. Are you still making time for you and feeding your needs? Getting a mani/pedi or a massage? Going to the gym? Please make sure that you make some quality time to feed and nourish yourself.
Yes, she's on the back of the Harley but what are you doing for yourself and for fun? Leave them on the Harley for now, sweetie.Road trips don't last forever. Leave them on the roller coaster. Tell yourself that she has nothing that you want at this point in time. She is getting a twisted version of your H. From what you write he is really in no frame of mind to be offering her anything useful or mature, so what the heck is she getting in this deal? A piece of a man who is married and single at the same time? She thinks this is a good prospect right now and possibly for her future? If this is what she wants from life now well I say more power to her. And she has my condolences for not putting a higher value on herself. Maybe you should send her a sympathy card?
The truth is that MLCers are simply in no frame of mind to be a steady person in a relationship whether with their S or OP. They need to do a lot of work but instead distract themselves from the pain and the roller coaster by being constantly on the go and leading a frenzied non stop life. It is band aid to a gaping wound. It is not a sustainable way of life and something will give whether now or in the future. The fantasy life will not translate well into a long term life with the OP because real love includes tackling issues and challenges and all of the fantasy life is based on running away. What will your H do if he and OW start to heva problems? Even if your D does proceed, I can't see your H being truly at peace with himself until he reaches the point where he DOES THE WORK.
I think you should continue showing your H that you are not beaten by this. That you are living and enjoying life as best you can. In an authentic and genuine manner. That he is not leaving you at home on a Saturday night while he is out having fun. On his Harley. With a woman who needs your sympathy. You just have to feel sorry for both of them. Maybe they both need sympathy cards!
