UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

I agree Cas - it's OK to be here but not all the time. The day has to be filled with other things or you never can get your life back on track.

Well today, my life saw some MAJOR baby steps!! I'm pretty happy with my DB'ing today and H appeared to see it too, when he visited earlier - and stayed longer than he has since he left home.

I can't say any one thing that happened to make me feel so positive but overall, I am happier! In a nutshell:

1) H cleaned and maintained the pool and spa
2) Sat with me on our outdoor furniture and shared tea and biccies
3) H started some R talk, even though it was only to affirm that he does not love me and there is no going back
4) He fed and played with the cats
5) Told me that I had done a good job looking after the lawns and gardens
6) Sat and discussed finances without too much arguing - agreed that he should be paying a little more and he would look in to it
7) Didn't get too mad but was firm and didn't hide his annoyance that his Wii was not here, which was one of the things which he wanted to collect today
9) Agreed to come back and help me with the front garden beds - including taking me to get some sheep manure!
10) Agreed to work on our communication in the future - says that we still have a long way to go and it would be easier if we could communicate better without having to involve a mediator
11) Cracked a joke when I almost fell in the pool and ask what he would do if I had ... he replied "would wait for you to float to the shallow end first [before doing anything]"!
12) H acknowledged that it will be four years this Tuesday that we emigrated - I hadn't even noticed that.

So, overall, not too bad. I remained calm, took several 'take a deep breath' breaks to the bathroom and didn't once raise my voice! I DB'ed where and when I could ... as much as I was able. When I felt that things were slipping a bit, I even managed to bring them around ... H appeared more relaxed and talked more about things that were currently concerning him ... he is stressed about work but mostly about our situation, even though he repeated that he does not love me and there is no going back.

That bit hurt but there were so many positives in today that have just not been there previously. I will probably come crashing down now but I can honestly say that my 5 hours with H today were the best I have had in as many months!!!!