It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

Friday was oddly nice and hard at the same time. W was sick and had to have a very uncomfortable test. Vibe was mellow and friendly and it felt good to be there for her. Dealing with being in "her" apartment was hard and I had to step outside once. I wept when I picked D10 from school.

Loading stuff into my car was hard. Taking the rings was hard, too. She had them sitting on the coffee table... on top of the form to take me off the lease. I blew off signing it. Bad move, I know.

Ds came with for the weekend. I left a thank-you card that was short(big 180 for me, I tend to be a bit verbose) and let her know I appreciated being there for her. It had a little thing at the end: "you are a giant in a tiny body." She seemed so fragile and had said how I make her feel "small." I thought it was appropriate. I could be wrong.

That Night I held the rings and for the first time really looked at them. I don't think I ever took them seriously. I wasn't upset. The were symbolic and meant something for the first time. Kind of sad but at the same time very freeing. I felt ok. I sent her a short email about how I felt. No response as of yet.

I'm driving the girls back tomorrow and that will be hard. It's been so nice to have them here. Despite the fighting. I'm a little worried about them. Their conflict level has clearly escalated since I've been gone, to the point of minor physical altercations. No outright violence but more than they've ever had before.

I'll have to load some more stuff to bring back and leave the girls behind. Plus I'll sign the paper (to take me off the lease). Will be a rough day. But my objective is to have a mellow attitude and show I'm not affected, maybe even happy. I just have to remember that I'm willing to do all I can to make our M happy. I'm the catch and if she doesn't want me then someone will. It's her loss. I met and dated women before her and can and will do it again.