mmm...so she had a decent relationship with them while you were still treating her like crap? But not after she got tired of it. Sorry to 2x4 you, but you seem to be backsliding into blame, and away from the sentiments you originally expressed about realizing why thinks went the way they did.
I was portraying how my parents saw her. I was on my best behavior around others, so my parents never really saw how I was. From their point of view, they just saw my W slowly turn against me, and start to be selfish and treat me poorly. And of course they are very biased towards me, so they assumed anything bad they saw or heard about me was exaggerated. Even now I try to convince them of how I was, and they won't accept it. They just think I'm trying to take the heat off my W.
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I would be careful about using your parents for support. I think MWD talks a lot about this in her books, about how family are not always helpful because they can't separate their feelings from what may actually be best for you.
I think getting support from them is ok, but I know they are not the best sources of advice. They'd be happy if they never saw my W again.
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realize it's very painful to see your child hurt this way...but I think it's a bit immature and curious that they are ignoring your comments that "you weren't as perfect" as they are holding you up to be. Do your parents kind of have a fantasy view of this situation? Would it be typical of them to say it's all the other guy's fault? Because that won't be helpful in the long run.
Reconciling and blame can't coexist.
I just ask this, just wondering, because I've watched my aunt sabotage her son's relationship more than once, because she "loves" him so much. But she really just can't stand to admit her kid could have done anything wrong. That might not be your case at all though. Just curious. Something about you "reading their cues" and going along with them.
Perhaps you should just sit down with them and say, look, this could come up again, and what is your opinion on how it could be handled. Because how it affects the KIDS is more important than how it affects your parents.
It's not immaturity really, it's that they come from a different era. They know I provided for my family well, and I was trustworthy and faithful. They consider these emotional needs of my W to be hogwash to some degree. Both my parents grew up very poor, so they think she should have been grateful for what she had and stopped complaining about what she didn't have. And also, I wasn't really abusive, just crabby and negative and generally miserable. As my M got worse, my parents somewhat blamed my moods on my W for not supporting me more. In reality, she had just had it with my bad moods and didn't want to deal any more.
I won't let my parents opinion sway me from what I know I want, and what I know is best for me and my family. If the time comes, I will sit down with them and lay it all out.
