Distance. I feel it and it is a relief.

When my W leaves the house or talks on the phone I don't care where she goes or who she is talking to.

I go about my day not worrying about her or my M.

I enjoy my kids and try to enjoy each day. I take time to do the things I want to do, like work out. I look good after working out the past 8 months.

I worry about my kids, particularly D15, and how this dysfunctional M impacts them.

I know I will be happy with a partner in the future. It may be my W or it may not. I don't want the M we have now or had before the bomb, so if nothing changes it won't be with my W.

I no longer view myself primarily as my W's husband, but instead as my own independent person who happens to be M, but my M doesn't define me.

My W is going through something very difficult and is not happy about her life, but it is not my fault and she needs to work through it on her own and I can't force her to do one thing or another. I will try to be patient and understanding while she does it and continue to maintain boundaries. I still love and care for her but she is out of my control. If the M is to be saved she will need to choose it and I can't influence her.

I don't spend my day thinking about my W. I actually prefer to avoid her at times.

I can concentrate on my work (except when reading this site!). I am no longer a basket case who can't work.

I value my M still and honor my commitment I made before God. Removing myself from the emotional whirlwind I have been caught in isn't backing away from this commitment - it is actually the best thing I can do to save the M if it is meant to be saved at all, since everything else I had tried didn't work anyway.

Is this detatchment? Is this dropping the rope? As my kids would say: "Are we there yet?"

BTW - I have felt like this all week and the tension level around my house is lower than it has ever been this year. W is still cold and distant for the most part, but I feel like there is no tension between us. It is a good thing. I must continue down this path.


Last edited by tryingtilDorR; 10/11/09 06:05 AM.

ME/XW:47
S21, D19, S15, S14
M:21 T:26
W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12
W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline