Feeling angry today again. I've been thinking what I would need to "forget" to try again. Right now, I dont think I can. Much less forgive. WTH did he have to go and fall in love with someone else? I will never really understand that. He broke us and I dont see a way to "mend" us.
I was chatting with my youngest stepdaughter this morning and she said something that hit me. It went something like; I am looking forward to starting my real life. i had to patiently explain to her that today will be the good old days in a few years....or roughly translated; live today, enjoy today....th epast is gone and the future...well we don't know what it holds and if we are going to make it....
I know we all know this and it sounds like a cliche. I look around and realize nothing lasts forever...so we may as well enjoy the present.....feeling a little blue today.....just like you.
John, I suspect the celebration of your parents 50 years together, has something to do with it.
You know, as much as I like you and love you as my cousin, I dont like the fact that you sound cynical sometimes. Makes me feel your D really changed you. And I cant think of a worse thing to happen to me (and to the people I care for) than give up on romantic ideas such as lasting love and trust.
Which brings me back to how I feel today. I said angry. Well, it's not anger. It's disappointed, I want to complain, I want to ask questions that have no answers like "why did you do that to us, to our family, why did you betray our love for someone you now say was nothing, how can I live with you and feel safe again, is there anything you could do to change the feeling of mistrust, why were you choosing to hurt me all those months I had no idea about your affair, why the hell do you say NOW that you love me?"...
Little things, trigger emotions I havent felt since the bomb. I cant help of thinking what it would be like if I did try. The wise thing would to be wait. Not force the divorce nor agree to anything. But I am growing impatient. This stupid limbo is keeping me from finally letting go of the hurt. It's my choice, I know. But through out this mess, I managed to stay focused and not act on impulse and I believe acting on impulse now would do me no good.
There are days I am not thinking of the A. I think only of the future and the possibilities. But days like today that for some reason I replay the details of the lies, affect my mood big time. We married out of love, I trusted him blindly, I had no idea he would hurt me so much and jeopardise my sanity and our kids' happiness. What kind of monster does that make him? Maybe I am just too naive. Maybe there is something wrong with me indeed, my BF said I am obcessed (sp?) with him to even consider his request. And she is someone I would call "soft and weak" when it comes to feelings...
I wonder how the people that did come thru As did it. There a few on here, I know Lotus (right?), Brandnewday, Saffie and more... It seems so impossible for me, I dont know... K
I am angry today, too K. Not so much angry as, I feel 'wronged' if that makes sense. I want to stomp my feet and say "No Fair! How could you do that to us!!!"
It is very frustrating. I wish I knew the answers....but I agree it is important not to let this experience make us jaded and cynical and all of that. I still want to believe in real, true, lasting love...
Hey M...sorry you feel down today.. there must be something in the air, because I too feel angry.. I have been 'offish' with bf since yesterday, he is very worried and keeps asking me wahts wrong, I say, I dont know. I feel aloof and cross...
How do people get past it? Mine wasnt as dramatic a sitch, he didnt lie, only by not talking to me I guess.. but when I thikn of her and him and how he too now says, she meant nothing (and he had a stark choice last July.. come back to me.. but he chose her instead and we lost nearly another year).. I wonder, what was the point?? But then, somethings dont have answers and they are down to the fact we are only human and humans are flawed. And some are flawed more than others!!! I personally think its down to chemistry and chance.. a one in a billion chance that you meet someone at a time in your life when you dont feel good either about yourself, or in yourself.. and that person touches something. And that isnt necessarily a healthy thing in fact in alot of these cases (and my EA/PA included) its an unhealthy thing. A thing that ends up leaving you feeling worse!
I believe him that she meant nothing and yes it is a waste, but perhaps more so if you dont swallow your hurt and pride and anger and give him a crack of a chance? I've been saying since last year.. just start taking that wall down, take a brick out at least.. but then, if you cant do it, I wouldnt be surprised.
All these questions and musings... why dont you just ASK him? Get your frustration and anger out. Tell him to come round and explain it to you. Why not? You are holding all the power is the way I see it, maybe he would surprise you this time and actually answer. He has been honest in the past few weeks I think.
Ok.. well back to the sofa and bf for me and my silent grumbling in my head..
love al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
John just has his up and down days like most anyone else. Maybe what his wife did to him has made him a bit less trusting and has stolen some of the dreams of a happily ever after in love.
It takes a certain person or circumstances to be able to forgive an affair and rebuild a strong relationship. I dont know whether anyone could overcome 3 years of betrayal. What do you want?
Many time, those of us who have been betrayed get the opportunity to dig deep down in our thoughts and realize that our spouses were not that great to begin with. I know you say your H is a great father, but how would you rate him as a husband. What do you want in a husband?
I still see that you are one confused person. You are letting him have too much control over your feelings since your posts here still portray a scorned woman and someone who cant let go. Can you think of any other things you can do for yourself that can help you detach from your marital situation - new hobbies or sports, more activities with kids, volunteering, getting out more and trying new things. What do you really want to do for yourself that you wish you had done in the past?
Love does not keep a relationship thriving. Compatibility, chemistry, friendship, effective communication, understanding, acceptance of differences and appreciation for one another in a relationship is what helps to keep the love for one another going. Those are the choices that bring about love - not the simple fact of saying I choose to love someone. What was your part in your marriage and past relationship that prevented a lasting relationship?
Your friend is correct - you are obsessed. You think that you are trapped in a limbo because of your H. When in reality, you have the keys to get yourself out, but you have to first find and choose a door to unlock. Come to a decision as to what you want - reconciliation or divorce. As long as you remain on the fence, you are going to feel miserable, and you will be the one responsible for keeping yourself in limbo.
What do you want that has the best chance of happening?
but I agree it is important not to let this experience make us jaded and cynical and all of that. I still want to believe in real, true, lasting love...
Ooops.....to late for me. Already jaded and cynical.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
a. It wasn't as longlasting an affair as the one you are dealing with; b. I was guilty too, just not at that time. c. He didn't live a lie and make me doubt my sanity. d. We went to a program that showed us how to reconcile. e. I believed that financially it was the best thing for me and the kids. f. Saffie got me through a lot.
I left this out, but I shouldn't have. It was one of the most important elements. We always had a good sex life. No matter what else was going on. I felt that I needed and trusted him for that.
