Still getting nowhere fast....

[lost-n-Iowa]

Bunny, I bought the heels out of frustration of him always wanting me to fulfill his fantasy but just can't make myself wear them for him. I feel so 'slutty' even thinking about wearing them. I feel like he should be helping in making the M work first before he gets all that he wants. What about what I want. What about how he treats me or the way that he keeps destrying my things? I don't feel like making his happiness in the bedroom my top priority when he does not seem to make me his top priority.

Buttercup...I get what you are saying about greetinghim differently when he comes home. I use to hug him right away and told him how much I missed him when he had been away for a long time. Or when he was at home and would return from doing an errand, I would say hello or help him bring stuff in. After the first time he filed for the D and then after I filed for the D the second time, I know that I stopped doing these things. I really don't have a reason for why I stopped except that I guess that I did not see a reason to be happy to see him anymore. I feel betrayed be him and it is hard to put those feelings aside to give an I love/miss you greeting.

I know that my MC wants to know if I can forgive and forget and move on. I ask H if he could and he said that he knew that he could forgive me and move on. I keep thinking that he can do that because he knows that I did not do any of the things that he was accusing me of doing. I am having a hard time with the forgiving and forgetting theory. How can I? He hurt me so deep but I am suppose to let it all go and act like none of it ever happened? IT DID HAPPEN THOUGH!! It feels like he is getting off the hook too easy for the things that he has done. I think that he got off the hook before too easily and that is why he continued to do the things that he did.

I am just venting here. I think I am in a low mood cuz I have been home for two days with no one around me but my own mind. I am having a depressing weekend and a pity party by myself. I think I get like this when I don't have things to occupy myself with. I have bee staying a bit busy with playingon the net and working on Girl Scout stuff and watching TV but it only helps for a little while.