I think these MLCers are trying to find answers/whatever anywhere they can (besides from within themselves).
And trying to do whatever they can to feel better. I know you mentioned that your H who has never been much of a drinker seems to be drinker more. Guess what? I have noticed that here, too. I am seeing my H trying to self medicate in some strange little ways. And it obviously isn't working.
I'm sorry you've had a rough few days....I have been struggling myself and just haven't been on the website. I hope it has gotten better. I would agree with trustingfaith, "who knows what the MLCer is thinking/doing..."
I think his own desperation is obvious as he is now turned to a psychic! My!!! When does the madness end???
To me, there is no "answer", you just need to make a decision either to work at your life and trudge thru the difficult moments or quit and delude yourself into believing it will eventually get better. The problem is with them and unfortunately we also get dragged into this abyss with them....But, sounds like you are managing well. And I think it would be very difficulty to go dark living in the same house. I'm finding it difficult to go dark and I'm 10 states apart from him...But, haven't contacted in a week now. I taking this month off from exH....hoping I make it.
What happened over the weekend? I hope you are in good spirits!
I wanted to comment on what you posted on trustingfaith's thread.
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Last night for example, H was on his computer, with the TV on, in the den. All of a sudden he turned them off, and came to sit with me in the livingroom. I was so afraid he wanted to talk about R, or spew something , that I got up and got ready for bed. I felt bad that I left him sitting out there alone, but then I thought about the nightmare he's put me through. Maybe he had something nice to say, maybe he didn't want to say anything at all, but I wasn't taking any chances.
How do you keep from feeling uncomfortable around H? How do you avoid R talk if he starts to bring it up?
First off, if you can take your focus off "what he has put you through" and think about and have compassion for what he's going through, it helps. If you're angry find a way to deal with it and get it out.
That you left when he came to sit with you, IMO that was a cheap and punishing shot. i know you were scared and I'm not beating you up. I want you to look at what you did and why. What was the pay off? Did it help you at all? Even if you had just sat there with him, that would speak volumes.
I don't think you do keep from "feeling uncomfotable" at first. You just "act" as if you are. If he brings up R talk, just listen. Reflect back what he's said and if you need time to think on it, say so. It's ok and in alot of cases wise to say I'll need to think about this and get back to you.
Having them at home is very hard. I know. You can do this though.
Thanks for replying with your advice on my thread.
I know I'll just have to gather my courage and stick around whenever H is around me. I've had two big blows within the last month, and I just wasn't up to hearing something else from him. If I had stayed, I may have said something I didn't want to. Then I would have been mad at myself as well as being hurt again.
I was trying to look through your posts, but there are over 300 of them!
What do you think made your situation turn around? Was D ever filed?
Did you read some of my thread? If so, what advice would you offer me at this stage of the game?
Thanks for any more advice you can give me. I will be looking forward to hearing from you!
If I had stayed, I may have said something I didn't want to.
Then your choice was a good one for you. Keep your attitude in mind though. Don't be the kicked puppy or the b!tch(regardless of how you feel).
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What do you think made your situation turn around? Was D ever filed?
No, a D has not been filed in my case. That doesn't mean it won't. As far as it turning around, well that's arguable, but what has changed is me and how I respond to things.
I will be able to post more later, but for now, my best advise is to take care of yourself and GAL. What is it you want out of life? Who are you? Are you the woman you always wanted to be? Who is she? What does she look like? How does she act?
Looks like H decided to go somewhere else after work tonight. It's really sad because the dogs really love him. Whenever they hear something, they run to the door. "Guys... Dad doesn't love us anymore." He'd rather be with op. If that is who he's with, I really don't know. I don't want to analyze anymore. It drives me crazy and wastes so much time. Gosh... I feel so bad for the LBS and their human children. (as opposed to dog children) They are really asking mom or dad where mom or dad is. How do you deal? What do you tell them? The dogs are company, but not like having real children as company.
I know I'm supposed to be a safe harbor here at home. BUT I really don't feel like leaving the light on for him tonight. How can he continue to do this to someone he once loved up to a year ago. He's turned so cold. He could care less about us here at home. It's sad. I don't know how I can still love him. Why do I care?
It's 10:00 and H just got home. He walked in and asked me how my day was. I said it was wonderful! I was polite, and I thought I looked cute. He could have cared less. He drank a glass of water and went to bed. He treats me like I'm the one who has another man. These MLCers have such nerve. It's so hard when your living in the same house.
Can I hate him just for tonight
I know it's better not to mention ow, and I never have. BUT I so would love to ask him when he is going to get tired hanging out with a skank.
How are you today? It is tough living in the same house. You can't help but notice them coming and going and some of the craziness. But we also have an advantage in some ways - they ARE still there.
