Verbal Abuse

[karen43]

I have been with my current W for 14 years now, and about 5 years ago, my W came to me and said: "If we don't get married soon, I'll have to start looking elsewhere"

Well, you dated and/or lived together for her for it sounds like over 10 years. She wanted to be married and it sounds like a deal-breaker for her and important boundary for her at that time. If she told you that, you had the clear choice marry your W and continue the R, or risk losing her to someone who was willing to commit.

I did that in my sitch. I was with my X for 4 years, and I felt I was at that point, where if he didn't want committment I was ready to move on and date others. I told him so, and he decided to marry me rather than lose me. I don't feel I was manipulative. I was wanting a committed relationship, was involved with him for well long enough (4 years) for him to decide if this was a R he wanted long-term or not. I was ready to go on and date others, it was not just a ploy, but how I really felt.

[lg193]

Ron, good luck, I see my wife is communicating with you on mevac. She has some really good advice, not just for you but for me too. I see that some of the things she is saying to you for advice are things that I have been doing or trying to do. Sometimes I think that it's easier to write online than say to your spouse.

Listen closely to what she has to say, she knows this subject intimately.

Good luck with the work, it is so worth it!

[RonD]

Thanks, and yeah your wife has some great advice. The hardest thing in all this is to keep my spirits up, but I know how much better I feel and how much brighter things are when I do. And my ex is much happier around me when I'm cheerful. If I can keep a PMA I know I can get through this no matter what the outcome with my ex winds up being. And, I think I'll be a better man for all this.