Lightbulb is BLAZING NEON now!

[Zoo]

I am not having such a great day today

H is very,very angry at me...I'm beating myself up about it and I feel like hell.

First mistake and probably the biggest. I had a huge financial problem that I decided needed to be talked over with H. I agonized over it for 3 hours before I took it to him. I WOKE him up, told him I needed to talk about something important when he was all the way awake...waited about 5-10 min and brought him coffee then told him the problem.

His reaction to the problem was not what I expected (I have been able to tell him stuff and we discuss it and solve the problem together) and I immediately went on the defensive. I put my foot in it and ended up with things coming out the wrong way because I was trying to talk to fast. H left totally P'O'd.

Once he was gone I realized I screwed up by waking him up and hitting him with a problem right off the bat...never a good thing to do. I realized the way I said things was all wrong too. I'm an idiot!

I waited and agonized and blamed and beat-up on myself for 5 hrs then decided to call H at work and try to make amends.

Another bad move. H needs his space when he is angry...lots of it. Calling him at work to apologize for something he doesn't want to talk about was just putting my foot in it again.

H said I din't cause a set-back but he was angry as hell that I woke him up with the problem. Told me I shuld have just left it to tell him tomorrow. H was also angry that I let him sleep so long. Hmmm...angry if I wake him up, angry if I don't??

I had been waiting for H to wake up on his own...one of my changes in pattern...but that just didn't happen. My concern in telling him when I did was because I thought he would get angry at me for not telling him sooner Can anyone say "CATCH-22"??

I told H this on the phone...he basically didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I could just "picture" him sitting there in his chair with the phone tucked under his chin...making a "duck quacking it's beak" motion with his hand the whole time I was talking I went from being apologetic and trying to work through things to PO'd.

I ended the phone conversation.

I got argumentative a few times during the convo...again not good.

This all means that H will not talk to me ( he just came home from work) the rest of the night other then to MAYBE ask me to cook him something to eat. H will not want to spend any time around me and will probably sleep clinging to his side of the bed instead of snuggled up like we have been.

He could get over this by tomorrow...it could last all weekend. I'd be willing to bet on the weekend That is the way it usually works.

Db'ing dictates that I give him his space to get over it and this technique does work with him when we have a DISAGREEMENT. I leave him alone for an hour or so and he gets over it and everything is fine again. I had hoped that this would be a pattern that would carry over into an arguement...instead of holding on to his anger for a day or more he would just take a few more HOURS then usual. This is WHY I have always done my damndest to avoid conflict...I don't like being given the silent treatment and I don't like the way it makes me feel inside nor the stress it causes.

We had so many positives this week...now this:(

Positives:
H said sex life has done a 180 and is now great!

H started asking questions like: "When did you first realize how you felt about me? "What was it that you found so attractive about me?" "Am I a good lover and do I satisfy you?"

We have been enjoying each other's company immensely. A lot of teasing and joking around. Snuggling and cuddling

H has been TOUCHING/STROKING me at night instead of the other way around.

H has been very attentive...getting me things, asking me how I'm doing or what I'm thinking etc.

H said he no longer speaks to OW at all and avoids her whenever possibly. My SF said this is true, he has seen H at work turn around and walk in the opposite direction if he sees OW coming, walk around her department, get up to his department and turn around and walk away if OW is there. I did ask H if he was still experiencing some of the problems he had concerning OW and was told "not even, not anymore"..

So many good things...these are the ones I can remember right now. WHat a shame that we had to end the week with one of us being so angry with the other

Yes, I have been crying (angry at myself!) and I have not put make-up on or done my hair other then blow-drying it. I just don't feel like it. H would probably see it as a lame attempt on my part at trying to make things better.

I guess now it is just a matter of SPACE, TIME, and PATIENCE. I'm not to happy about db'ing right now either


Zoo