Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[25yearsmlc]

Stuck,

As I'm sure you've heard, believe nothing they say and only half what they do. So what if she's said she wants a divorce? My h and I argued settlement and child support and he vowed "a war" at one point. La dee dah...not that it didn't infuriate me, but knowledge is power. I KNEW legally I'd be fine and I just decided that was about as good as it was going to get. Easier to turn it over. Most men do financially better than their ex wives, btw.
IN THE LONG RUN...but it hurts both at the outset and usually is a devastating blow to the unmarried woman if she lacks good money making, marketable skills. Don't recall your w's sitch on that. But when she thinks this through some of the shine may be worn down... But again, forget what she says about the OM if he's still around or whatever he is AND stop the R talk or cornering her. I think you "know" all this. Now you need to "do" it. Follow through.

She may think she wants a div. She's looking at all the negatives of M and all the positives, SHE thinks exist, about div. You actually need to do 2 things:

First, counter her negatives by being a happy upbeat guy (who could not possibly cause anyone else unhappiness cuz he's so darn happy himself and loving and caring and funny, and interesting, etc....) which makes HER DATA, wrong, or out of date due to the new you and hey, M to you "now" would be diff and better due to the changes she'll see, over time....

and 2) start envisioning the positives of being single for YOU...just for now.

Trust me Stuck, you can choose to love her again, fully, down the road. If you begin to see the upside to being out of this pain, and maybe with someone who is normal OR just not with a miserable spouse, THEN you'll radiate that sense of peace, and she will start to wonder wth she's doing. I'm telling you that when I saw h seeming to accept "singledom" it did make me see more of his value as a catch. So I began the same thing and got a sense of peace within and he started to notice and the rest is history.

This is her choice for now so it's HER loss. What choice do you have anyhow? As the prior poster said, it's really what you have to do.

(( J ))