For me the sincere, soul deep changes began even before I found DR. I think most of that was the shock of seeing myself through CJ's eyes for the first time.
It was not a pretty picture.
My changes, which include letting go of control, dropping sarcasm and yelling and nagging from my bag of verbal abuse, (I'd like to think that bag is empty now...) validating what CJ is feeling, becoming a more relaxed and less anxious person are pretty much all in the realm of deep personal growth.
I lost weight during the worst of times, but that was grief loss...I've since put on a few too many (that's another story) but when I get in better shape it will be for ME. (CJ was never one to criticise nor to praise any physical changes anyway...)
I WILL say, however, that while the changes in me were occurring, there were times when CJ caught the discrepency between my DB words (sure, go out to the bar without me ) and my true feelings.
No wonder he doubted for quite some time if the changes were "for real".
Getting tired...probably not making much sense any more so I'll sign off...nighty night!
) and my true feelings.