Lightbulb is BLAZING NEON now!

[Zoo]

I posted the following on another thread but felt kind of guilty about "threadjacking" so I decide to post it again here and make my reply's regarding to others on this thread

Pbee brought something up that I think gets overlooked a lot. Just how much do we PROJECT to our S's the feelings/thoughts we try so hard to repress while we do the best DB'ing we can? From my reading of the BB most of us are doing 180's, acting "as-if", practising SBT etc. in the hopes that our errant H/W's will notice the "changes" we are bringing about. I wonder just how many of us still carry the mind-set within us that our aliens really aren't paying attention though? Is this the brick wall that so many of us run into on a regular basis? We THINK we are changing...we SAY we are changing... but how many of us actually stop and ask ourselves "what exactly have we changed?" and answer the question truthfully? How many of us rely solely on physical change (appearance, actions, behaviour) without taking those few extra steps to bring about emotional, spiritual and character changes as well? I see daily postings that reflect physical changes bringing about certain responses, toward goals or away from goals, and everyone wanting to know what they should do next (myself included) but very few postings that reflect "whole"(physical,spiritual,emotional and character) changes. Those postings that I read that DO relect "whole" changes are by those people who achieve the most success. Is this the MISSING link?? We all tell each other that in order to effect change in our R/M's we have to change ourselves...how many of us really take it all the way though?

Pbee- This pretty much stemmed from a quick analysis of the post you made to Gabi and the correlation I saw between it and many of the other posts that I read yesterday. You said in your reply:

If there is projecting then there is reflecting as well. How your mate sees themselves through an OP eyes.

I couldn't agree with this more! To me this is what validation is about, vocalizing the reflection we see or perceive. I just keep getting the idea from the posts that I read that in our efforts to address the reflection we see we forget about the projection we make. This could account for a great deal of the confusion the aliens tend to show. Even though in OUR minds we are doing a,b & c...we are projecting our true feelings. THe H/W picks up on that and to them we are saying one thing but showing (in our eyes, tone of voice, body language etc) something totally different. We at some level still tell ourselves that they really aren't paying attention...I think we sell them short

If this is true then many of us aren't taking our changes far enough or aren't truly sincere about them. How many inact a change and get all excited when it brings about the result they wanted but over time don't maintain that change or don't take it to the next level? Yes, it can be said that one is basically "doing what works" but I'm trying to delve a little deeper than that. We do want our M/R's and ourselves to be better then they were before right?

I am not implying that people are just going throught he motions when they say they have changed. It is just that from everything I have read on the BB, internet and in books the one thing that screams at me is that complete,sincere change is imperative to successfully turn a lost M around. That is why all of the techniques in Michele's books work...they exact real change. Maybe we should add this to our list of what to look for each day. We tell people to list their goals, solutions to those goals, note positives and baby steps...perhaps we should also ask "what change have you made today? Is it sincere? Is it a change that is beneficial to you and/or your M/R? Do you intend to build on it and if so how? Yes, treat it the same as a goal basically Some might even ask "what is the difference...goals and change sound the same to me". I am refering to a real change in self which should in turn benefit the goals one makes for self and M/R. I think it is something that is being only dealt with at the surface level by many of us in our rush to get our H/W's back. That is why I emphasized "whole" change. When I read peoples goals for there selfs I see :
1. lose weight
2. workout/exercise
3. dress better
4. haircut/make-up
5. Don't analyse, yell,argue etc.
Most are all based on some form of physical change. Surface change.

I made some of those same goals myself and affected the physical changes. They were appreciated and commented on by H but they weren't enough to reach the turn around. I re-addressed them.

1. I will not allow myself to wallow in misery and self pity.
2. My strength of will is one of my best assets. I will no longer keep it curtailed in order to kowtow to or please another.
3. I am allowed to analyse but only in reference to myself and the changes I wish to make in me...not the problems in my M.

These are just examples...my list is longer

I would say one of the best examples I have found regarding "whole" change is BillM's thread (s). Read all of them if you can and you will see a metamorphasis that is awe-inspiring. He has links to his entire sitch on his current thread there are parts left over

Bye for now
Zoo

Also I thought of another inportant element: applying patience to conversations especially R talk.

Enough cannot be said about patience. I think it is the biggest struggle many of us have...bigger even then trust issues. I always think that I have finally run out of patience but somehow manage to pluck some out of thin air