I have been with my current W for 14 years now, and about 5 years ago, my W came to me and said: "If we don't get married soon, I'll have to start looking elsewhere"
Well, you dated and/or lived together for her for it sounds like over 10 years. She wanted to be married and it sounds like a deal-breaker for her and important boundary for her at that time. If she told you that, you had the clear choice marry your W and continue the R, or risk losing her to someone who was willing to commit.
I did that in my sitch. I was with my X for 4 years, and I felt I was at that point, where if he didn't want committment I was ready to move on and date others. I told him so, and he decided to marry me rather than lose me. I don't feel I was manipulative. I was wanting a committed relationship, was involved with him for well long enough (4 years) for him to decide if this was a R he wanted long-term or not. I was ready to go on and date others, it was not just a ploy, but how I really felt.
