I am GAL and I have an email from my W that says it is upsetting her.
As I posted yesterday, we were talking an I told her I needed to stop by and get my golf clubs because I was doing a golf outing on Sunday. She stopped me and said she didn't want to know. I said okay and the call ended (it was about a 10 minute call covering mostly kid stuff).
She sent me an email immediatly stating that she didn't mean to be short. She went on to say that she doesn't know how many times she asked me to golf with her, or in events for myself, and I didn't and it hurts her to see me doing this now. She said she would rather not know about these things now, but knows that in time she will be able to accept it.
The words she spoke said were heard by me as:
"It bothers me that you are GAL" "I want to be friends, even after divorce and that means hearing about what you are doing" "I am frusterated that now you are showing change when I have decided that I am done with our relationship" "I want to get to a point where I am okay with this, but I am not there".
Now, I can take these two ways. The first is to say DBing is working. The other is to say that she is still focused on divorce, but wants to be amicable and just needs more time to "get over me" and that is what she is trying to do.
I learned a few things.
1) Actions speak louder than words. I failed to be mysterious in my activities. I straight out told her what I was doing without being asked. I shouldn't have done that. Simply calling to say I needed to pick something up and then taking my clubs would have been more effective.
2) My marriage is not over. There is hope, no matter how small.
3) Anger is a weak motivator. It certainly helps people feel good about their current state of mind, but it is not sustainable, at least not if you want to be truely happy in life. Anger fades, and when it does, it gives way to other more long term emmotions.
