Changes, I got some good advice on one of my posts: There's no rush for Divorce. Whether legal separation is recognized in your area doesn't seem to me to be the issue. It's rather the opportunity to get some space from each other.
Lying is par for the course with affairs and I don't know how many "talks" I've had with ex that were circular and left me MORE confused after than when we started. Trust your gut, or get ahold of the black berry if you want get concrete proof. But I'd caution that getting proof for some advantage in Divorce is less important than getting proof to ease your own mind that you're not crazy. You can be loving towards her in a way that protects yourself.
There's not really an opportunity for you both to have a real conversation while you are both emotional. It'll just make things worse. Until you get some emotional distance, and she gets past all the crazy feelings she's having right now, it's mostly pointless to try. If she is in an affair, the emotions she's feeling are like a drug and she's going to behave like an addict. If she isn't in an affair, she's still all messed up on adrenaline and fear, and obviously acting out due to something going on inside her. It's not really a reflection of you somuch as a reacting to the state of her life.
Try not to take how she acts personally and strive for loving detachment.
I don't care, then I do, then I don't, then I do... la de da
