Quote: H figured I'd run (that would have been typical of me) but I refused to.
i think that turned my husbands head as well. i think he totally expected me to flee, cause that is my MO - that is what i usually do!!! i think we both knocked them for a loop on that one, and they are still recovering from that! LOL
I feel that this M is worth every tear I have shed and every moment of heartache I have experienced. I could have so easily taken the easy way out but made a conscious decision not to. I wanted this M to work and if that meant doing whatever it took to save it then so be it. One of the hardest things for me to have to overlook though was the damage done to my pride...even now I find myself still a little resentful of that but I deal with it.
I don't think I will ever know exactly what turned H around. I speculate a lot in my post but in the end it was probably a combination of everything plus the fact that he was finally just READY for it. I wonder about it everyday but I don't ask anymore...I just try to be satisfied with the outcome
3 POSITIVES H smiled at me when he first opened his eyes this morning. THen he kissed me without saying a word.
H let me drive to the store by myself!
We had a disagreement but didn't cling to it.
The last one may not seem like a positive to some but believe me it is. We are TRYING to allow some HEALTHY conflict into our R.
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Quote: One of the hardest things for me to have to overlook though was the damage done to my pride...even now I find myself still a little resentful of that but I deal with it.
well your dishing them out today eh? ego, that is something i was really struggling with last week, where were you when i needed you, oh yeah, you were sick
thanks for that, it's comforting to know others struggle with similar issues
Quote: wow - reading what you have gone thru in your first two marriages gives me chills. after those experiences i can't even imagine having faith in marriage as a whole.
To be honest, I swore after the fiasco of M2 that I would NEVER get married again. It took me a year after I left to even consider going out with a man again let alone get involved in an R with anyone. When the current H and I got together the first time I did my darndest to keep the R very casual and have no expectations. When I realized that I was more emotionally involved then I wanted to be I freaked out and ran away. It took H and I 2 years to find each other again and during those 2 years I would have nothing to do with any men...not even dating. I lost my heart to someone that I didn't want to and I was angry with myself for it...crazy huh ? WHen H and I did get back together I still didn't want to get married again...I was happy just living together. Over time I realized that it wasn't MARRIAGE that caused the problems I had previously...it was the people I married. I found that I WANTED to be married to H...it is hard to explain really.
Yep, I liked Shiny's idea too so I will try to practice it the best that I can
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Must give credit where it's due...the three positives came from Sage and LostLove. But they've been a Godsend to LOTS of us!
I'll echo something you mentioned...I was FLOORED when while cutting my hair, and me sharing SOME of what was going on with us last fall, CJ's sis said something to the effect of "CJ felt like he was leaving before YOU did"...
I have NO idea what gave him the idea that I would walk on him...I've only been in one other serious R (fiance of 10 years ) and HE dumped ME...but somehow CJ DID feel that I didn't value this M, that it was "dead" and just waiting for a burial.
SURPRISE!!! He was WRONG!!!
I think the fervency of my DBing, what I've put up with and (almost) forgiven really blew him away.
Mornin' All, You ladies HAVE been busy. What great thoughts and ideas. I love the part about you all did something unexpected. Don't you find that DB gives you the permission to try something new? Otherwise I think we would be stuck in our same MOs and having even bigger headaches from beating our heads against the wall. Was it Shiny Bear who sd that the thing that turned her H around was that he realized that she might not always be around? That's how mine worked as well-I think. I've never really been told what it was but when my EA came out H did a major 180! You may not repsect the way I did it but try and understand that everyone's journey is different. I don't have my own thread so I may be considered somewhat of a troll but nobody's ever sd that about me that I know of. If you read Josa or GParker's threads you'll see I sorta got to the end of my rope and "fell" into an EA with someone. H and I haven't looked back since but I still analyze the "Troubles" (that's what I call my dark days re:daze). What did I had to dump? Angry outbursts. I was hell on wheels and I have ditched them for sure. H and me never fight anymore. I was terrible but that girl is gone for good, Praise the Lord! It was easy to give that up, too. That went away even before I found DB. It was weird, I didn't even consciously say this is a problem and I need to work on it. I just let it float away. Odd that I can't explain it better but I'm rambling anyway. Will close for now and have a great day!
Yes, I am pretty strong willed...pretty darn stubborn too, LOL!
H is feeling a lot better and I am slowly getting there...still have a wicked cough that won't go away and very fatigued, ugh.
I would like to meet you too If I can get H to take me with him sometime when he goes to Louisville then we might be able to work something out This is the busiest time of the year for him at work so we have to work around his schedule alot.
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
!!
) and HE dumped ME...but somehow CJ DID feel that I didn't value this M, that it was "dead" and just waiting for a burial.