Journaling

[courts0818]

rpnyc,
I've asked some of the very same questions _How do you save your marriage if you're husband isn't here? How do you show you're doing stuff to be different if he's not here or contacting you much. I know how difficult this is. My H moved out of our home nearly 1 year ago. I have done everything you can imagine to get him back - cried, screamed, begged, wrote letters, sent emails & texts, tried to make him feel guilty, etc... And I truly struggled with not knowing where he was or what he was doing. It tore me apart and caused me to have terrible dreams (when I could actually sleep).

You will hear this advice over and over again, but that's because it's helpful...You really need to focus on yourself - you can find a way to do this. I only see my H a couple of times per week and I know it's really hard to show them we are GAL and becoming happy again when they never see us. However, they will notice that something is different if we stop contacting them all the time - stop asking what they are doing, stop trying to force conversations about the R, and instead make ourselves a lot less available. Trust me, I know it feels wrong to just stop thinking and worrying about things, but it will demonstrate that you are no longer 100% wrapped up in the broken R. Instead, you are doing your own thing, living your life and finding your own happiness.

I think the text you sent your H sounded fine. And he might not ask what you are doing, but he probably wonders. My H never asks what I'm doing and it does hurt my feelings, but I'm gonna keep on doing things and hope he wonders.

And when your H texts you, don't text him right back. If he's a WAS, he doesn't really deserve your immediate attention (at least not IMO). If it's not something urgent, wait a few hrs to text him back. Then he will see that you are not just staring at your phone waiting to hear from him (which is what I often did).

I agree with robx - you want your H to see you less needy and insecure. That's what I'm trying to show my H too. It's not easy, but other things were not working so I had to try this and getting out of the house and doing more things does make me feel better.

Hang in there and know this isn't easy for anyone. We all struggle too.