She told me I make her "feel small." I've been an overbearing jerk.
is attractive?
No. That's what I'm consciously trying not to be. There's attraction in her, but you're right it's based on old feelings that she's trying to suppress.
I make a big effort not to show fear when I'm talking to her. Today was a good day as far as being there and supporting her during a tough time. This is my outlet for fear and panic. Granted, I'm sure it shows to a degree but I can only fake it until I feel it. I'm working on that. I used to have a lot of spunk and that got watered down the last few years. The breakup has hit me hard and I realize I have to get back to that tough inner me. I just don't feel it. But I'll get there.
Attraction has to come from real things. It's a struggle to get back to the real me and all I can do is act the part.
I avoided the question of signing off on the lease. Bad move, I know. Just sign it. I did get the rings back from her. Mine is tattooed on. It was even harder leaving today than before. But I got my dog and the Ds are over fore the weekend.
Left her a thank you card. Nothing sweet. Just a short thank you and an affirmation. a 180 in the sense that I never do things like that EVER and it's short (I'm usually a bit verbose).
A big reason I "fear" D, R or dating talk is that I know she will run in the other direction.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
