Lightbulb is BLAZING NEON now!

[Zoo]

Hi pbee

You have been through so much! If all that didn't happen to you on your journey then you wouldn't be who you were today

THat is the way I look at it The people who have heard my story have told me that they are amazed at the way I turned out...basically I am fairly level-headed and a pretty stable person although I do have my moments

I find it interesting that your H read your journal and decided to turn himself around. To me, Aliens get in SUCH a negative mindset for various reasons and they stay in that hopeless mindset and it makes the DBing so tough.

I have speculated on this quite a bit. The disruption in my M had actually been going on for some time...@ 2 years, maybe longer I would try to discuss the problem with H but was always shut down or told nothing was wrong with me and that he didn't know what the problem was. When I became aware that OW was probably involved and asked H about it he of course denied it. I didn't push ( I wonder constantly if I should have though ) and after a lot of soul searching decided to wait it out, hoping that eventually I would be told the truth or that he would get back in his right mind. I didn't expect things to go on as long as they did though nor did I expect things to blow up the way they did. When H first acknowledged the M problems to me he did so calmly with no nastiness involved...WE decided to try to work things out, then the next thing I knew all hell broke loose. I think OW instigated a lot of the bad stuff but then again, that is more speculation on my part. I wasn't going down without a fight though H figured I'd run (that would have been typical of me) but I refused to. Maybe that is what happened...H finally realized I was SERIOUS and wasn't going to abandon him??


I try to think about stuff that we used to do and enjoy and I think right now it isn't so much WHAT we do together but the ATTITUDE we have while we are doing it. I have regained my cockiness and H has always liked that about me. I don't go all meek and mild when he gets irritable or pissy. If H snaps at me and I feel it is unwarranted I say so ( this happened already today...lol). I don't back down anymore either. I finally realized that I was behaving much the same way as I did in M2 and was horrified by it. I make a concerted effort NOT to do so anymore but not to go too far the other way either. IT is a challenge but hopefully it will once agian become second nature for me


Been drinking orange juice by the gallon...not helping too much. Just trying to ride it out and hopefully the darn thing will go away.

~smile~
Zoo