Swell, robx. Being an uncompromising jerk got me to this point. No affairs. Just distance. I went thru a bit of a mlc and our c suggested a 3 month separation. 1st week went by and I realized the mistake of leaving and wanted to work on m. She decided she wanted out. Now. Much of the history is in my other thred.
What do I do? This is divorce busting, not divorce lay down and die. Admitting I'm afraid here doesn't mean I'm weepy guy to her.
Saying "man up" isn't solid advice. Showing some sensitivity is actually a big 180 for me. Taking control of my life is important but I don't want to date anyone. I can't stop her. To do the same would hurt me as much if not more.
I don't want to give her a d until I know she won't change her mind. We've been down this road before and I was the one who asked for one before. She gave in and I wish she had stalled until I came to my senses. She kicked me out before and wanted me back soon after. Hormonal problems and a mlc like mine are affecting her so to give in and say its all fine and btw I will get my own action while I'm "a free man" will make thing complicated down the road.
I get your intent but I think a confident attitude is better than "fine, do whatever and so will I."
Saying I'm scared here is one of the few places I can admit that
She has lost all attraction towards you, how else would you explain her wanting to date other men, she isn't attracted to you anymore. You may not communicate the same way to her that you do to us but I'm sure your body language communicates fear, submissive attitude, weakness, insecurity, clinginess, etc.
Don't mistake my post as an attack on you, it's a first impression based on how you communicate to us and I have to think it can't be that far off from how you communicate to her verbally & physically.
Is she being sensitive towards you? Is she caring, compassionate, loving, nurturing, etc. But you think being those ways with her will bring you back after you have killed all the attraction between the two of you, where is the logic in that thinking?
Things get complicated when you make them complicated. When she starts dating other men, you will be an afterthought in her mind unless of course she uses you in conversations with another man, ie. "my previous husband was a jerk, etc."
A confident attitude is exactly what I'm telling you to have, you sounded weak & insecure when you said you didn't want to talk to her for fear of her going through with the divorce. You have to assume it's already over and start detaching, until you do that, these weak insecure feelings will be with you and you will communicate them verbally and non-verbally (ie body language).
You need to give yourself a break, maybe no contact with the wife for 30 days.
