Detachment

[antlers]

Thanks for the explanation. What was it, specifically, that helped you detatch to the point where you were completely unaffected by her at all, or by what was going on in her life at all?

I don't think I ever did get to a point where I was "completely unaffected by her," Antlers. If I did, I wouldn't be human -- I'd be some robot.

I did, however, get to a point where I no longer allowed how SHE felt about me (and our marriage) to define what I felt about myself (and our marriage). And as I've stated elsewhere, I also began to learn to operate from a basic position of "What is THE RIGHT THING TO DO in this situation; what is it that God Himself would have me do if He were standing right in front of me?" instead of my old, enmeshed, co-dependent way of "How will she react if I do/say that? Will she be angry with me? How will her reaction make me feel?"

Once I made a few stands, and faced down her enraged blowback, and saw that I was still standing? Now THAT helped me get there.

The final element was (and is) my faith in God, and in what the Bible says about who I am in Christ. In reading the Psalms and Proverbs every morning, I was reminded of their universal truths about who I am, and how I am to live my life, and I just couldn't find anything in there that says anything about letting how someone else feels about me affect my own worth as a child of God.

Puppy

"Confront the most brutal facts of your current reality"...guess it's something I'm just gonna have to face.

I want to be there too...where I no longer allow how she feels about me to define what I feel about me. Maybe operating from a position of "What is THE RIGHT THING TO DO in this situation; what is it that God Himself would have me do if He were standing right in front of me?"...would help me too!

I kinda walked on eggshells myself, to some degree, for the last 8 months. Now that we're getting divorced, I won't be doing that anymore...to any degree!

Sound wisdom. Makes perfect sense that we shouldn't let how someone else feels about us affect our own self-worth...but we do sometimes. We internalize it.