Welcome Zoo. Glad you can join us here. Lotsa new "face" in the neighborhood this week and unfortunately my welcome wagon only gets so many miles to the gallon ... and for most like Kitti and Bill, even tho I haven't had time to post a personal greeting at their new digs, I have lurked ... so let me just add here, wecome all the hopped over here this week ... and Pam, I haven't forgotten about you ... I still owe you a visit too.

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I still have some questions for the piecing crowd. Mainly, where do I go from here ? I bet you get that one a lot huh? I keep doing what has been working, or trying to anyway but I still feel as if I am missing something. I re-read my DR book at least once a week to help keep me on track and I'm hoping to get 5LL here in the next week or so. I keep a solution journal as well to help me remember things. I feel like I'm at a pretty scary juncture right now and I don't want my fear causing me to screw things up (I'm good at that). I have read a few of the posts in this section of the BB and I see a number of people experiencing similar fear but I'm hard pressed to figure out

Well, Zoo, when it come to DBing, it isn't much different. Its about using the same tools, but redefining or shifting the focus onto different aspects of your goals, but need to work on them with the same amount of patience. One of the first desires is now that the WAS has turned back, to try to quicken the pace of reconciliation. When we first hear those words and the renewed signs of affection, we get the impression that they are cannonballing" back into the pool, when in fact just sticking their big toes in the water to test it ... so there's still a transition they have to work thru before being recommit to working on M. So not radical changes in strategy, but a slow shifting in the focus of your changes...

So keep doing what works ... and do more of it ... keep your expectations in reserve still (remember, its just a big toe in the water right now). They are in fact acting "as-if" to test if its the right decision to come back. Go sloowwlleee! ... keep the focus on making it comfortable for them to continue moving closer.

At the same time, you still have to work on yourself. Now that you will no longer feel like you are in "survival" mode, you will start to feel the emotional aftereffects. Betrayal, anger, trust & forgiveness issues will start creeping in. Its natural and you will need to process your greif and heal the hurt, but remember these are your issues you have to work on. Don't look for him to "fix" for you now, because doing that will push him away again. Start looking at ways to measure how much support he is willing to give, so you will know when you pushed too far.

Think of coming to "Piecing" as the midway point of your journey, so keep taking it day by day, step by step, working at making today better than yesterday. That part won't change at all.

'til later,
KAW