Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[K4D]

Her thoughts, feelings, and actions don't mean anything to other people...so why do they mean more than that to me? I want to get to where her thoughts, feelings, and actions don't mean anything more to me than they do anybody else!

Because you married her and have known her intimately, emotionally, and every other way for years. Nobody else can say that. You have built a trust in her and a love over time that doesn't just disapear over night. You built a strong bond with her and a family and a life and had expectations of it being forever, as well you should have since you married her. That is why nobody else feels what you do for her. You became one flesh with her. She is your one flesh spouse. You made a covenant with her and trusted in that covenant to never be broken.

I don't think your love for her will ever completely go away. But you do need to get to the point where you can function without her. My love for my W will never completely go away. I don't think theirs goes away either, they are just masking it by bringing someone else into the picture. They are trying to bury their feelings for us.

I just start focusing on something else when my W pops into my head before I let it drag me down to far. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. But I can't let it stop me from thinking about what I can do for myself and kids and with my future.

It is not easy and everyone gets there in their own time. Nobody can decide that time for you. Just don't let it ruin you and hold you back.

Infact at times I find this site to be somewhat depressing and ask myself, why am I looking at this site today. It is a constant reminder of my circumstances. But I do anyways and try to offer advice where I can or where I think it might benefit someone.

Detaching doesn't mean you don't care anymore. It just means you can live life now with whatever the circumstances may be. It means you can still find meaning and enjoyment to your life. I am figuring this out now. It took me a long miserable year to do it and it is taking work to keep on figuring it out each day. But it is doable. But only you can do it for you. Nobody else can do it for you. It is a daily decision that you have to make each morning and each night and then act on it.

Kevin