Sure, they date other men because they want to, but we tell ourselves that if there wasn't a flaw in us...then they would be dating us instead! And if we weren't unlovable, and/or if we didn't do something to deserve this...then they would be dating us instead!
Antlers read up on shame. It is probably a source of your anger from your FOO.
Guilt is when you feel bad about something you did (behavior). It's normal and healthy in the right amounts.
Shame is when you feel bad because you think there is something wrong with you. If only I was better, more lovable, smarter, better looking, made more money, skinnier, etc then she/he would love me. So the self talk is I have a flaw that precludes me from being loved. This leads to pessimistic thinking, co-dependence, anger, and catastrophising.
There is nothing wrong with you. Have you made mistakes, sure. Who on this earth hasn't. Nothing wrong with making mistakes, it's how you recover. Start by loving yourself enough to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. Who would want to love you if you don't love yourself? BTW this will help you detach.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
