Young couple in need of help

[MrBond]

That's great! That's why you don't respond back to her. Show her that you have a life without her. If you do talk to her, just short and sweet and say you've got something to do.

[Stronger]

You are getting great advice here SG....please listen. You finally started to detach and you saw great results. Then you gave in a bit with helping her with the car.

She wants a life without you? Then let her have it. Tell your mother to stop answering when she calls or if she feels she has to, then your mother needs to have a ready excuse as to why she can NOT take the kids when they're being "too much".

She can be a bad wife....she can even leave the relationship. She can NOT be a bad mother and she can NOT walk away from them. The same goes for you. No matter what, you both need to do whatever it takes to lessen the impact on them no matter what your issues are with each other. This is going to take a toll no matter what, but being mature great parents will help.

You are doing great.

[sumguy27]

Man I back slide today again. I snooped again. Found a new guy. So Fing mad. Of course she is lying about it! How the heck do you guys deal with this I'm just so pissed off!

[Stronger]

We stopped snooping.
Really what is the point? You know she's trying to live her life without you and that may include other people. The more you know in this case the more it hurts you.

I think the Puppy approach of "I will not share my wife, and if you feel the need to date or see what's out there, we need to figure out how to be great parents apart from each other." Make it clear to her you know about her crap and what she's doing. Make it clear, it's unacceptable and you are moving on.

The next time she needs your help, you now know to tell her, "Call your guy buddies. That kind of thing is no longer my responsibility....per your choices."

[sumguy27]

Stronger I just back slide. We argued again for a good hour. I then told her what she has been doing that it is unacceptable. Her response was well I already look like the bad one so who cares! Why I'm I still fighting for this person? Why? The whole time has been nothing but lies to me. GOD! Its like every word that comes out of her mouth is lies. Now I see what everyone has been saying about WAS. They lie about everything to justify what there doing. How can she be so cruel. I need like a punching bag or something.

Then she goes and yells at me saying I'm not her husband. What? Are you freaking serious? geat now i'm geating a ear full from my MIL.

[sumguy27]

I'm so tired with all of this. I can't seem to focus. I confronted the OM. He is mad becuase I told him I hope he can feel good for messing with someone elses wife. Now he wants me to say it to his face. I didn't reply back to him. I just have to be strong. Stronger and all of you people who have done it. How can you guys cope with this? How can you guys not get so angry and frustated. I was doing so well. But I let my emotions take the best of me again. I just want to yell and scream at her! Just want to slap her back to reality. Just want her to really look at our kids and see the love they deserve. I know I'm suppose to let her fall. I'm suppose to just forget about and get a life. Tonight is a downfall for me. I thought I had detach, I guess not.

[sumguy27]

I'm done. So I texted her this morning regarding the bills. She gets upset that I would ask her for her part of the insurances when I did exactly what she had wanted. I changed my line into my name. Yet she says that I always hound her on money and that I'm so needy. I told her straight up that its responsiblity's that we have agreed upon. I told her I would have taken care of the charges about the phone bill but she never asked me.

I did fire off "so your boyfriend wants some beef with me huh?" I know nothing good can come out of me ripping this guy apart. To my surpise he's only 23! Some asian gangster wanna be trying to act tough. I could careless about that. I can hold my own ground. She just says "wateva"

I just had it. I feel like why I'm I giving her a break? Why do I have to give her that car? I paid for it, its in my name she wants to be independent then freaking take the bus. Earlier in the week she had asked me to buy some clothes for my little girl. So I did tell her today that yes, I will buy my D some clothes, but the clothes stay with me now. Since your such a baller and can spend your money on a trip to Vegas, booze, clubbing and OM then you can provide your own clothes for her. Unreal. I've just had it. I'm pretty sure everyone who has read my story is probably anoyed as hell about us. My family is, my friends are and I know this board has also.

I love her still but like what stronger said I hate her at the same time. Last night she said I love you but in not love with you to stay with you. I just laughed in her face and said "google" that line you might be surpised on what you find.

I'm just ranting more then anything right now. A part of me still tells me to not give up! Geez I'm losing my freaking mind here.

[MrBond]

sumguy27,

Okay, here's your 2x4.

Dude you have to detach. YOU are letting her control your emotions. I'm going to attribute this to you and your W being fairly young because that's how both of you are acting. Like kids.

It doesn't matter what she's doing, who she's doing, etc. Because YOU CAN'T STOP IT! What you can stop is how it affects you. You were doing well with the detaching until you found out about the OM who is in the same mental maturity level as your W. The reason being that it is all she can handle right now.

Concentrate on yourself and the kids. Go back to NC unless necessary. Instead of venting about taking the car back, do it. It is your car after all. Protect your assets. You did the right thing in telling her she needs to buy her own clothes for the kids. Do not make it easy for her.

If she continues to pawn the kids off to you, then file for primary custody of the kids. It will be tough and a hardship for you, but she's not going to make things any easier on you.

DO NOT contact her. DO NOT open your mouth. Let's face it, every time you do, the same thing happens. Yet you sound amazed eveytime it does. Stop the cycle and see how things go.

Like a child, once she finds out that she can't get a reaction out of you by pouting or screaming, she's going to have to look to herself to solve her problems. Take the target off your back. Think of her as a child throwing a tantrum until she gets what she wants. What do adults do in a case like that? They ignore the kid and let it run it's course.

You can do it. Show her who the one is with the REAL maturity.

[sumguy27]

Stuck thanks for the words of encourgment. Yes it is a reaction she is looking for and I did do good till about the OM. I feel like there is no hope anymore. But when I get home and see my kids and hear my son ask "where is mommy?" It freaking breaks my heart. I know I messed up today and yesterday. I felt like I even pushed her further out the door today. I really need to just take a break from this relationship as it is wearing me down every day. I love her so much I'm just so lost.

[MrBond]

That's right. Take a break. It's called detachment. You are in a prime position to get her back even though it doesn't seem like it. If she is as immature as she seems, you can turn this around back on her.

YOU start going out and doing things you want to do. Go out and continue a hobby or interest you have. Meditate, center yourself. While she's out raging and destroying everything around her, be the one who is the rock. Let her rants wash over you because they are not about you. She is frustrated about herself and her life and needs other people to tell her how great she is. Other people except for you. Be the one constant in her universe. Not showing that you are a doormat, but showing that you don't need her. You don't bait her into a fight or engage her, you just do what you do. Period.

You can do it.