Quote:
I am fearful of taking a hardline because of the money


That's what the courts and attorneys are for if he won't do the right thing.

Quote:
and not wanting to deal with his hostility once we are truly separated.


That's what boundaries are for. If he escalates beyond that you get a RO if needed.

You have to believe that you and the kids are worth looking out for. It's not selfish to protect yourself - financially, legally, emotionally or physically. Handle it.

Cheers


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.