Pup has good advice on boundaries, tho he's more tolerant than I was/am. Another boundary could be: "You cease all contact with OM and come clean with me, or we need to separate."
That's not a boundary, it's an ultimatum -- there's a difference. Boundaries are about YOU, and not them, as in when you wrote:
Quote:
I couldn't live with a woman who was actively in an affair that I was aware of.
All you can do is tell a spouse what YOU are willing to -- and NOT willing to -- live with. What they then DO with that information is up to them, but they need to understand that what they decide will play the most crucial role in what YOUR decisions are going to be.
