I , at times, feel a little something coming off of my husband but it’s usually surrounding moments with our daughter. When she is saying something really funny and we look at each other in that way parents do when your kid just melted your heart. Those moments are hard for me because I KNOW he is feeling something at least for her and to know that he could leave us and change her world forever is very painful.
I’m glad that you did not take her bait and engage in a fight. Don’t give her any reason to say “See, this is why I’m leaving”. Be the person that takes the high road even when you don’t want to. It’s what’s best for you and for your children. Be the example and conduct yourself with honor. Don’t be a doormat but don’t be baited either.
Our spouses are like rebelling teenagers. We have helped to create the dynamic whether good intentioned or not. I have had a hand in enabeling the immaturity. Yes, my H will have a very hard time. He already struggles with stuff and he’s not even out of the house yet. I say yet because I believe, from what he tells me that’s his plan but he’s made no attempt to make that a reality.
My H and I don’t fight either. Even when we are discussing something and relaying how someone we know was heated and are “acting” out the situation, my daughter will come in and says “Momma and Daddy, are you fighting???” It’s foreign to her to hear us raise our voices with each other. I know that staying together for her isn’t the right solution but divorcing is the wrong solution so I don’t know where that leaves me.
Our 5 year anniversary was yesterday. He in no way wanted to celebrate but did wish me a Happy Anniversary and I got a quick I love you. NOT what I wanted but I’m trying to take the blessing out it anyway. Last night I said to my mom….I deserve more than I got and I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Truth is, what I want is not a fairy tale. It’s my vision of what a healthy marriage is made of. We had this read at our wedding:
“At the end of this ceremony, legally you will be husband and wife, but you still must decide each and every day that stretches before you, that you want to be married. Make such a decision and keep on making it, for the most important thing in life is to love and be loved. May you always need one another, not so much to fill the emptiness as to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. Look for things to praise, often say 'I love you' and take no notice of small faults. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another.”
That’s the dream in a nutshell for me. Tough to do but not impossible. Now man on a white horse, no slipper. Just mutual respect, love, understanding and care. I’ve never had that. Not ever. And I long for it.
Have a good weekend. Falls in full swing here in Mass. Traveling to Pittsburgh this week for business which will be a nice break for the day.
Keep in touch, chin up….
Be the love, Gina B.
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
