I think my financial dependence really plays into my insecurities and fear. He threw it in my face today. I am trying to have faith that my baby steps will lead to opportunities...I even told him that I think without that tether he would be at a loss, meaning that he gets so much out of that feeling of superiority and control.
I feel much better today after confirming a lot of what I thought about a financial settlement. I'm not going to end up in the poorhouse.
The superiority and control is a big issue. In my case, I think my W has felt I had the control and superior position in our marriage until she started making D threats. That's most likely right. I was a self-centered *ss who had unrealistic expectations about the marriage and treated her like a pop machine, here's a couple of quarters now take off your clothes.
So I don't blame her that we are here. Now, though, she's using the D threat to control my life. The only way things will get back to even in our dealings will be filing for D. Then everything will be on the table.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
H not happy about me refusing to take him to the airport...I don't know why it scares me to tell him that I do not want to do it. Not just that I have plans but that I simply do not want to.
I don't know why it scares me to tell him that I do not want to do it. Not just that I have plans but that I simply do not want to.
So think thru it. What are you really afraid of? What are the reasons you don't want to take him? Are your fears and reasons valid? Would you let someone else treat you like this and still be going out of your way to do a favor? Think don't react. Understand and be solid about your actions.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I actually articulated to him that I have softened and made myself vulnerable to him and it has brought me only pain and mistreatment, that I need space between us to take care of myself.
I am fearful of taking a hardline because of the money and not wanting to deal with his hostility once we are truly separated. I am trying to just take steps to build up my self-esteem and support network so I am not so fearful (including IC and small career decisions.
H not happy about me refusing to take him to the airport...I don't know why it scares me to tell him that I do not want to do it. Not just that I have plans but that I simply do not want to.
A&K he has a GF. He doesn't live with you. You are not his chauffeur. Are you concerned that he might abandon you further? Cut you off financially? This is no way to treat yourself.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I actually articulated to him that I have softened and made myself vulnerable to him and it has brought me only pain and mistreatment, that I need space between us to take care of myself.
I am fearful of taking a hardline because of the money and not wanting to deal with his hostility once we are truly separated. I am trying to just take steps to build up my self-esteem and support network so I am not so fearful (including IC and small career decisions.
Disregard my question. You just answered it.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I just read MWD's article on how hard divorce is on women, more so than for men...
depressing.
It's hard for everybody.
Even in situations where both parents work there is going to be loss. The divorce itself is expensive. There are two households to pay. Insurance. Childcare. Yuk..
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I am fearful of taking a hardline because of the money
That's what the courts and attorneys are for if he won't do the right thing.
Quote:
and not wanting to deal with his hostility once we are truly separated.
That's what boundaries are for. If he escalates beyond that you get a RO if needed.
You have to believe that you and the kids are worth looking out for. It's not selfish to protect yourself - financially, legally, emotionally or physically. Handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
