Well, I continue to try to be the coffee beans and change my adversity. I find myself less self loathing, but I still have my moments. I actually have too much planned for this weekend. Dinner at some friends house, a golf outing, church, etc...
My W has been calmer, but still very focused on the D. We have our oldest daughters B-Day to plan and we seperated finances today...sort of. Enough that we each have responsibility for 1/2 of the spending money for the next two weeks. I really like this and wish we had seperated finances long before...never thought that was what "good" married people did, but it isn't 1950 anymore and as the "CFO" in our family, I realize that I never really asked about spending money, but my W always had to because I needed to make ti work in the budget. I can see why she was upset about that.
When we were talking I told her that I was golfing Sunday and she suddenly stopped and said "I don't want to know". I said okay and we eneded the call.
She sent me an email immediatly after that apologized for being short with me, but she said it hurt because she always asked me to go golfing with her and I never did and to hear that I am doing it now makes her angry. She said she is happy I am doing things for myself, building a support network, etc... she just doesn't want to hear about it, but will someday be okay with it.
I think that is a positive sign.
I realized earlier this week that no matter what happens, this approach is the best approach. I realize there is a 99+% chance I am getting a divorce. I can be a poop and make it messy, lose my wife as a friend, etc.. Some day I will be sitting on a log, looking at the water and have regrets for having done that. I will not do that.
If I want her back (and I do) then this is my last shot.
I will not have any additional regrets in life as a result of this marriage. I will be fair, happy and a true friend to her, but I will also make the changes I used to only say I would do. She is seeing those changes and it is making her angry. That's probably good.
So, here is my question...I assume it is normal when doing DBing that the WAS initially gets more upset. Sandi used the analogy of hanging onto a rope wrapped around my W and she is pulling and I am pulling back. I just need to let go. I assume that when you do, the initial feeling is of anger (hence the comment about "I thought you would take longer to get over this then you have").
