Hi Mar, I can understand you want it to work out. I think the DB principle of detachment is important for you. All you can do is work on you and be available if the opportunity presents itself. My point was to open the conversations about the EA, but do it in a way that isn't with the goal of R. More as a way to undo past wrongs. I don't think it would hurt if you brought it up some time but said it in a way that made it clear he wasn't choosing R by talking about it. Does that make sense?
Again, maybe you could say: "I have a lot of regret and it's a wrong I want to resolve with you REGARDLESS of what happens with us." You don't want it to mean he's committing to R if you talk about it. But, as dday said, you need to assure him it wasn't physical (unless it was and then you need to come clean) and give him answers to questions he had, fully and without bs, and without "blame shifting" - ie. the marriage made me do it, you weren't available, etc...
I don't care, then I do, then I don't, then I do... la de da
