etrain, Great job on setting the boundary with your wife, you are ahead of the curve.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
My doctor put me on Zoloft to help keep me more even headed. (less anger, stress, anxiety etc). I am hoping it works. I have always been a ball of stress. It would be such a relief to be able to let go of the small insignificant things that happen daily. I lost about 15 lbs the first week but now I am beginning to eat on a more regular basis.
Me 44/W 32 S1 M8 Bomb 9/25/09 Separate houses (about 1 hour apart)
I have a feeling W will want to discuss S custody arrangements, finances, etc this weekend. I don't want to commit to anything until I see my lawyer on Monday.
Do you think I should tell W I'm seeing a L on Monday? Is it any of her business?
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
No, do not tell her you're seeing a lawyer. If she should find out, however, and asks you straight up, just be honest with her and say something vague like "Yes, I met with an attorney, to better learn my rights and responsibilities and options. Considering the circumstances, I thought that was the wisest thing to do," and leave it at that.
No, do NOT agree to anything this weekend!!! If you want to listen to what SHE wants, that's fine, but I would use my mantra here of "GIVE nothing; EXPECT nothing," and just listen. Some would say not to even have such a convo yet, but it CAN be a very revealing source of what her gameplan is, IF you think you can have the self-control necessary not to tip YOUR hand. In your current state, I would try to just avoid it for now.
Just tell her "I really don't want to discuss this right now," and politely excuse yourself. If she says "We need to talk about this!" say "I understand, and I agree. Not this weekend, though; I have some decisions I need to make as well."
You need to let her know (by your actions) that SHE does not call all the shots here, just because SHE wants out. On the contrary.
In my sitch, I was given some advice about such "talks" and it served me well:
Tell her "There's really only two things to talk about: our marital relationship, and the END of our marital relationship. I'm not going to discuss the former so long as you've invited a 3rd person into our marriage (alt. version: "so long as you're having an affair"), and as for the second, that's really best handled by attorneys, I think." Then you add, without pausing, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going for a run," or "I'm going to go get a workout in," or "I have another appointment I need to get to," and you excuse yourself.
and I am now working on controlling my diet.....